Pubic Topiary – which pubic hairstyle to choose?

I love my pubes, but I don’t love the maintenance.

Shaving is inexpensive, but the effect is short-term and the re-growth unsightly, while waxing is costly and uncomfortable – and frankly, it’s weird paying someone else to regularly prune your lady garden under a bright light as Enya plays on the salon stereo (more pain than the wax, believe me).

So I took the plunge, and recently bought a series of four laser hair removal sessions via Groupon. After the initial test-patch consultation (which was agony – I’d forgotten the golden rule: never wax during your period, let alone laser!), I returned for my first proper appointment. Pre-shaved, as required (this leaves the pubic roots more accessible to easily absorb the laser light), I had also taken two paracetamol and two ibuprofen to blunt the pain, and come armed with with four layers of EMLA cream (a cheap topical anaesthetic available over the counter here in the UK), which nicely numbed my skin in preparation for a serious nuking.

And a nuking my poor pubic roots got! I am a woman who can handle having all her pubes waxed off with only a slight swearing, but Jeez, lasering is far more uncomfortable, and even painful at times. The fact that the laser machine beeps before each single activation of the laser only adds – Pavlov’s Dog-style – to the expectation of pain. Still, at least it wasn’t Enya.

Already, after only my first session, I noticed that many of my pubes hadn’t grown back. I also noticed that I’d instinctively just plumped for a simple rectangle, and hadn’t really properly decided on a serious shape for my lady garden. This would be forever, after all.

I love being totally bare, but I don’t know if I want to be naked as the day I was born on the day I actually die. Provided I make it to a ripe old age, wouldn’t it be a little disconcerting to be totally pube-free? Of course, avoiding any future grey pubes would be nice, but I’d always fancied dying my pubes pink or purple now and again anyway, so having none at all would deny me this little bit of potential fun.

I think the Triangle effect is a bit twee, and the Pine would have to be really carefully done – I’m not sure I entirely trust the shaping skills of my unknown pube-nuker. My husband D said he slept with a girl with a V shape once, and it totally turned him off (although, as you may notice, he still managed to sleep with her somehow!).

The Toothpick or Brazilian (in the UK that means a Hollywood landing strip – confusing, I know – whilst a Hollywood here denotes having the lot off), would look the most likely path for me to choose, as I love having my labia bare (as does D), but then it doesn’t give me much leeway in future.

So perhaps the rectangle I instinctively, originally and unthinkingly shaped my shaven pubes into, would indeed be the safest long-term option? Hmmm… Pubes for thought…

 

 

(Images courtesy of Intimate Hair)

 

Whilst writing this post I listened to the following on Spotify:

Kate Bush – The Whole Story; Ariel

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