Toy Review: Sexy Christmas Stocking Fillers

Christian Grey Tie

Christian Grey Tie

Christian Grey tie

What better present for the man in your life than a Christian Grey tie from the official Fifty Shades Collection? Complete with a visual instruction guide and extra loops to enable all sorts of mischief, all it leaves is for you to choose your safe word and be ready to get tied up or blindfolded. Perfect for when you want him to mean business.

We-Vibe Tango

We-Vibe Tango

We-Vibe Tango

Arguably the best bullet vibe on the market, the Tango packs a powerful punch for its small size. It isn’t the cheapest bullet around, but thankfully the lovely people at Vibrator Kingdom will wrap it for you entirely free of charge – they can even enclose a personalised message from you to your lover: http://vibratorkingdom.co.uk/personalised-sexy-gifts

I Rub My Duckie

I Rub My Duckie

I Rub My Duckie

Who could resist this little rubber number? Latex and Phthalate-free she’s completely waterproof and floats like a dream. Great for couples, this cute duck can turn a bathtime ménage à moi into a deux or even a ménage à trois with one flirtatious flick of her feather! She also comes with a free personalised wrapping service.

Sour Apple Doc Johnson Sucker Lolly

Sour Apple Doc Johnson Sucker Lolly

Doc Johnson Good Head Salivating Sour Apple Lollipop

£3.99 may sound like a lot of money for a lolly, but this range from Doc Johnson is designed to get the oral juices flowing and your oral sex life going! It comes with a case for storage if you suddenly fancy sucking something else, and comes in a range of flavours, of which Sour Apple and Cooling Blue Ice are the most popular. Suck it and see!

Mini-Mini Wanachi Wand

Mini-Mini Wanachi Wand

Mini-Mini Wanachi Waterproof Flexible Massager Wand

The popular Mini Wanachi Waterproof Flexible Massager Wand just got its own mini-me: all hail the Mini-Mini Wanachi version. Depending on whether your lover’s a handbag or a clutch girl, either of these battery-powered babes would make a great stocking filler.

njoy Pure Fun Stainless Steel P-Spot Butt Plugnjoy Pure Fun Stainless Steel P-Spot Butt Plug

Presenting their gorgeous prostate massager-cum-P-spot butt plug, purveyors of quality steel pleasure items njoy also offer other variations on the theme – and expense. Or go glass with Lovehoney’s impressive selection of butt plugs for all budgets. Suprisingly stunning.

Cheeky Cherry Give LubeGive Lube Cheeky Cherry Oral Pleasure Gel

Kiss goodbye to that yucky lube taste and lick hello to Give Lube’s latest addition to their exceptional range of personal lubricants Cheeky Cherry and Raspberry Kiss, so good you could almost eat them with ice-cream. Now there’s an idea…

We-Vibe Touch

We-Vibe Touch

We-Vibe Touch

This rechargeable and waterproof vibrator is gorgeous resting in the hand, and as you can imagine, even more gorgeous elsewhere! Great for couples as well as solo play, you can take the Touch into the shower and stroke its silky silicone surface together. Ooh…

YesForLov Spanking Cream Balm

YesForLov Spanking Cream Balm

YesForLov’s Intimate Pleasure Caress After-Spanking Cream

Looking for the ultimate in spanking aftercare? Our guess is you won’t realise how much you’ve craved YesForLov’s Intimate Pleasure Caress After-Spanking Cream until you’ve tried it. Total bum lux for your Fifty-Shades inspired sex sessions.

Manbound Rubber Cock Ring Set

If your man hasn’t yet enjoyed the results of a cock ring, then this selection of three rubber lovelies is a good place to start. For the more experienced men amongst you try Doc Johnson’s Silicone Double Dip Cock Ring and Probe: as impressive as it sounds.

Garden Of Desires by Emily Dubberley

Ever wondered about your wife or girlfriend’s sexual fantasies? Or is she intrigued by her own deeply personal desires? Either way you’ll find plenty of female fantasies to explore in this groundbreaking gem of a book. We may be biased in selecting Garden Of Desires for inclusion in our Cliterati Christmas stocking, but it really is a fascinating read for men and women alike. Ideal for any woman with a heartbeat.

Kink Industries Nipple Clamps

Kink Industries Nipple Clamps

Nipple Clamps With Bells

A firm Cliterati favourite for the Christmas season (and every other season too, come to think of it) these nipple clamps work for every gender, and are fantastic for power-play between yourself and your lover: dare to allow them to tinkle during sex or foreplay and be prepared to choose your forfeit. Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, jingle all the way indeedy…

Crystal Minx Magnetic Bunny Tail Butt Plug

Crystal Minx Magnetic Bunny Tail Butt Plug

Crystal Delights Magnetic Bunny Tail

Bijou New Boston company Crystal Delights continues to er, delight, their whole range of fur-inspired items, and we’re having to hold ourselves back from including them all in this list. However, we’ve settled on the Magnetic Bunny Tail butt plug which is both gorgeous and practical with two ways to wear it: if your man’s not into being a bunny boy he can still use it as a luxury glass butt plug. Alternatively, insert and magnetically click the tail into place and fuck like rabbits. Choose from black, white or pink, and look forward to the future release of additional tails for even more interchangeable fun. Concerned about the fur? Crystal Delights condone the fur trade but believe that all parts of the animal should be used and not wasted – they only use discarded products. They also donate money to animal charities. Faux fur alternatives are available.

 

Rocks Off Hot Lips Vibrating Cock Ring and Rocks Off 40 Lixx

Cheap and extreeemely cheerful, this bright red number will get you warmed up in no time. Great fun, and all for the unbelievable sale price of £2.90 courtesy of Bondara. For the more serious sex toy connoisseurs amongst you, for £19.99 upgrade to the Rocks Off 40 Lixx from Strawberry Blushes – a welcome mouthful.

Rocks Off Flights Of Fancy Bullet

Rocks Off Flights Of Fancy Bullet

Rocks off RO80 Waterproof Bullet Vibrator

We here at Cliterati are already huge fans of the very reasonably priced and funky RO80 bullet series from Rocks Off (our fave being the leopardprint), so we were thrilled to hear that the Rocks Off brand recently got into bed with legendary tattoo artist Lal Hardy, and their union gave birth to the Erotic Ink range. The two gold standard bullet vibrators in the RO-80mm size are entitled Deadly Passion and Flight of Fantasy and are decorated accordingly. Finally you can get a tattoo and change your mind about the design and size (RO120, RO160) according to what takes your fancy that very moment. Stay cool this Christmas.

Labia Spreader with Stockings

Labia Spreader with Stockings

A long-term Cliterati favourite, this labia spreader suspender/ stocking combo will be included in our Christmas stocking lists for years to come. Since the quality of the stocking is adequate for a romp but fairly basic if you’re planning to wear them for a romantic evening out, then up the lux and increase the wow factor with this super-hot hosiery.

Hustler Fundies Tuxedo Boxer

Hustler Fundies Tuxedo Boxer

Hustler Fundies Tuxedo Boxer

Perfect for breakfast in bed, Christmas morning just got a whole lot more promising…

Chocolate Body Paint

Chocolate Body Paint

Saucy Chocolate Body Paint

At the end of a long Christmas day gorging on food and wine why not pour yourselves a coffee and feast your eyes, lips and tongues on each other? Make sure the most delicious dish that day is a double helping of the two of you… Currently on sale for £3.90

Clone-A-Willy

Clone-A-Willy

Vibrating Clone-A-Willy Kit

The best jokes never get old, and here’s an amusing activity – and ultimately funny sex toy – to keep you entertained. And if your man’s into prostate play, why not suggest he sticks his own Clone-A-Willy up his own rear for the ultimate in self-love? You could even do it for him. Oh how the tables have turned, and oh, oh, OH! If you want to get his-and-hers or even a hers-and-hers there’s also a Clone-A-Pussy version, although the end result seems less functional and more decorative. Hang it on your bedroom wall. What?

Tenga Onacup

Tenga Ultra Size Onacup

Tenga Ultra Size Deep Throat Onacup Massager

Uber-popular male masturbator brand Tenga has hit the ultimate high with this Onacup for men endowed with bigger than average appendages, who struggle to fit most masturbators. It also comes in regular size for the more modest amongst us.

Candy Nipple Tassles

Candy Nipple Tassles

Candy Nipple Tassles and Candy Cock Ring

Candy underwear (including knickers, bras and posing pouches) has been around for aeons, but candy nipple tassles and candy cock rings? Delciously original. Sweetly dress your lover only to get them undressed – with your teeth. It’s win-win. Please Sir, can I have some more?

Lovehoney Bondage Tape

Lovehoney Bondage Tape

Lovehoney Bondage Tape has more uses than you might think: use as a blindfold, handcuffs, or even create some sexy lingerie! This multi-purpose tape might just enable you to enjoy a multi-orgasmic BDSM session with a trusted partner. Available in three colours (the red tape looks the most festive), exercise no restraint and get stuck up with Lovehoney. Just don’t forget to establish a safe word first!

Fashion Black Stocking Suspender Set

Fashion Black Stocking Suspender Set

Fashion Black Stocking Suspender Set

No Christmas Stocking list would be complete without a pair of…stockings! These babies are tried and tested and absolutely brilliant: just oozing class, they come with their own suspender belt to emphasise your curves. There’s also a three for two offer on hosiery at Ann Summers at the moment, and so you might like to consider these other beauties too. You’re welcome.

Gift-Wrapped Red Thong

Gift-Wrapped Red Thong

Gift Wrapped Red Thong

Stay in over Christmas and make your underwear your outerwear with this fun and flirty satin G-string (also available in black). OK so there’s not much to it, but thankfully that’s the point. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Sexy Miss Santa Outfit

Sexy Miss Santa Outfit

Sexy Miss Santa Outfit

This Christmas deliver your own presence (see what I did there?) in this Miss Claus Sexy Santa outfit, which goes up to a UK size 24. Include the gloves and stripy stockings and you’re away! I know whose knee I’d rather sit on…

Anal Training Silicone Butt Plugs

Anal Training Silicone Butt Plugs

Silicone anal training kit

You’d be surprised how difficult it is to find a simple silicone butt plug range for beginners (silicone being one of the most body-safe substances for sex toys). Yes, you pay more for silicone than for Jelly toys, but at least you’ll know, male or female you’ll have the opportunity to enjoy these plugs without any untoward physical reaction to their material. And that my friends, is worth its weight in Christmas chocolate coins. Thankfully you get three sizes of butt plug for your money in this package. Just don’t forget the water-based lube, and lashings of it…

Spunk Lube Triple Pack 150x150

Spunk Lube

Spunk Lube

If your guy’s a cream pie fan, then he could do worse than receiving a bottle of Spunk Lube to enjoy with you at Christmas. It’s an STD-free gangbang in a can (and the pink colour version’s quite fun too)!

Lovehoney Hot Massage Rocks

Lovehoney Hot Massage Rocks

Hot Massage Rocks

Beat off the cold and treat your loved one to a hot massage this season with the help of these very reasonably priced Hot Rocks from Lovehoney. Use with organic massage oil for a guaranteed happy ending.

Silicone Flexi Power Rod Vibrating Beads

Silicone Flexi Power Rod Vibrating Beads

Silicone Flexi Power Rod Vibrating Anal Beads

Nothing says, “I love you more than anal beads” than an outstanding naughty vibrating power rod for your nethers. Yes, once you’ve got your mouth around the lengthy name and my misappropriation of the Little Britain quote(s), you’ll be having a ton of bum fun in no time. Slap on the silicone-friendly lube and change your, “Yeah but, no but” to, “Yeah butt, yeah butt.” You’re welcome.

Lovehoney Fabric Rose Petals

Lovehoney Fabric Rose Petals

There are few things as iconic – and romantic – as a bed strewn with rose petals. For those times when words are simply not enough…

Ovo L1 Silicone Ben Wa Jiggle Balls

Ovo L1 Silicone Ben Wa Jiggle Balls

Ovo Silicone L1 Ben Wa Balls

Jiggle Balls may well be one of the buzzwords of the last couple of years, so here’s the all-essential on trend Silicone Ben-Wa stocking-filler for the woman in your life. These babies will make her regular commutes or trips to the supermarket a gazillion times more thrilling – literally. Upgrade to a pair of Lelo’s Love Eggs if you’re feeling flush.

Cheeky Wash And Wipes

Cheeky Wash And Wipes

Expanding Wipes with Cheeky Wash

Now, I’m guessing that there’s more than one time you’ve got lucky but wished you’d felt fresher: after a sweaty night clubbing, at festivals, the office Christmas party, your Nan’s eightieth birthday bash (just us?!), even simply after a long journey to visit a lover. Thankfully the guys at Give Lube have produced these magical Expandable Wipes which, when paired with Cheeky Wash, become a demon antibacterial cleansing combination. One Expandable Wipe compresses to the size of a stack of four one-pence coins, yet once Cheeky Wash is added this grows into a generous 30cm by 22cm cleaning cloth. Meanwhile, the Cheeky Wash itself (used by both the MOD and the NHS) is fragrance-free, paraben-free, pH balanced and alcohol-free to gently and effectively clean and moisturise even the most naughty of nethers. This particular dream team can fit in your handbag, contains low enough liquid volume to be smuggled through airport security and can sit snugly in your Christmas stocking. Don’t get caught out again, again: buy in bulk (available soon from Chemist Direct). Cliterati says: Make love not PWOAH!

Bared To You by Sylvia Day

If Fifty Shades left you unmoved, try the Crossfire Trilogy by Sylvia Day. Well written by one of America’s bestselling authors, it’s fast-paced, gripping and HAWT. Erotica for the discerning literati.

Lelo Antibacterial Cleaning Spray

Lelo Antibacterial Cleaning Spray

Lelo Antibacterial Toy Cleaner

This is the most gorgeous-smelling antibacterial toy cleaner out there. But then of course it should be – it’s Lelo, and they don’t do anything by halves. It might be an unnecessary luxury, but it also makes using your toys a pleasure from beginning to end.

Male Power Sheer Camouflage Mini Boxer Shorts

Male Power Sheer Camouflage Mini Boxer Shorts

Male Power Sheer Camouflage Mini Boxer Shorts

Camo + sheer x mini + tight = HOT. Male Power to the max!

Metal Vaginal Speculum

Metal Vaginal Speculum

Metal Vaginal Speculum

If you already know your missus is partial to playing a bit of x-rated Carry On Nurse style-escapades, then this metal vaginal speculum may be just what the Doctor ordered. Just go slow and don’t forget the lube or toy steriliser.

Lovers Choice Cheeky Bedroom Dice

Lovers Choice Cheeky Bedroom Dice

Lovers Choice Cheeky Bedroom Dice

Spice up your sex life with this silvery game of chance, which involves one die dictating a saucy action whilst the other decides the body part involved. It’s win-win!

Bondara sex toy cleaner

Bondara sex toy cleaner

Bondara Sex Toy Cleaner

Cheap and cheerful, this is both an economical and effective way to refresh your sex toys. Unbeatable value.



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