Erotica Excerpt: Adonis


Images by stockimages Courtesy of

I felt him before I saw him, and as the running machine behind me sprang to life I knew for sure. His presence was magnetic: the hairs on the back of my neck prickled, my shoulders tensed involuntarily, and I felt his eyes burning imprints into my body. My steps slackened in self-awareness, and as I felt the treadmill drawing me back towards him I attempted a clumsy sprint. Then I found my pace, picked up speed and ran from my desire for him.

As my warm-down came to an end I suddenly felt his absence: he’d gone. I looked around and caught a panther-like flash of him going into the changing room. This was the game we’d been playing for weeks – since I’d started at the gym, in fact. It was a cat-and-mouse game of surreptitious glances and stolen stares. The rules seemed to be that no eye-contact should be made and no words spoken, but still somehow we had made our intentions felt through our training. We’d observe one another reflected multiple times in the weight room mirrors: I’d turn my back on him whilst I did my reps, and see his body angled towards me, his hot gaze on my flexing muscles. In response he’d take to the bench press next-but-one to me and work out by my side, every powerful lift denoting his desire for me, every stretch a silent supplication, every movement sending his warm scent my way.

Today was no different: we’d been skirting around each other for an hour or so, and I’d become half-crazy with lust for him. Even outside the gym my mind had been racing with infinite imaginary scenarios of he and I kissing and coupling, sucking and fucking, and now that I’d seen him again I wanted his cock in my mouth – in fact, I wanted to drink him dry. My body felt hot with yearning, and I felt I couldn’t wait any longer to feel his skin against mine for the first time. But now he’d left I wasn’t sure what to do – was I supposed to follow him? Doubt set in: had I misconstrued the situation? Maybe it was just some idle flirting to make his workout sessions that little bit more interesting. Well, there was only one way to find out: I waited for a few moments wondering whether I was enjoying the anticipation too much to end it with the event itself, and then my need got the better of me. After all, there’s nothing quite like the element of risk to heighten sexual excitement. So, with a cursory look around at my fellow gym-goers I followed my man.

Ever-optimistic, I’d been carrying condoms to my last few visits to the gym in the hope that something might happen, so after a quick stop by my locker for some protection and lube I headed for the showers. I stopped to see if there was anyone else around – there wasn’t. Scoping the cubicles I guessed my man must be at the far end. My heart was hammering in my chest as I approached. This was make or break for me – had I made a mistake, misread the signs? I could see the back of his head and shoulders over the door, and the outline of his body through the frosted glass. As my need got the better of me I took a deep breath and stepped towards him.

There were plenty of straight men out there who’d flirted with the idea of touching me and taking my cock in their mouths, but more than once when it came to the crunch I’d been left disappointed as their courage failed them. I hesitated, torn, unsure whether in this instance my gaydar was correct. Just as I spun on my heels to leave, my magnet turned around. Again, I felt rather than saw him, and turning back, for the first time my eyes met his. With a burnt umber ring around the iris they were much darker brown than I’d imagined, slightly almond-shaped, and framed by thick lashes.

Finally seeing him face-on I realised he was even better looking than I’d initially thought. His ebony skin was pulled tightly across impressive cheekbones, a sensual, strong nose stood proudly in his face and his lips were full and inviting. His expression was open and intelligent. As he smiled in acknowledgement I suddenly felt embarrassed that I’d doubted him and been so close to wimping out. In response I pulled myself up taller, and with a show of confidence I didn’t actually feel, threw back my shoulders and pushed open the cubicle door to meet him.


Toy Review: Robo Fuk Sex Machine

Robo Fuk by Love Botz

Ever on the hunt for a decent sex machine, we were lucky enough to get our hands on the Robo Fuk by Love Botz. Suitable for both men and women it comes complete with realistic accessories, namely a Fleshlight-esque sleeve and a bendable dildo that can be shaped to your preferred angle.

At first glance the RF seems promising: easily set-up and with one page of simple instructions, it’s neither too big nor too small and you can store it under your bed. The first issue reveals itself when you plug the machine in: unfortunately the mains lead slips out at the slightest provocation – rather frustrating when the entire product is designed around moving parts.

The thrusting itself works very simply: you choose the angle of penetration/ reception by rotating a wheel to lock and unlock the thruster in place, and a dial in your hand which is wired to the RF helps you change the speed of thrusts at will. The RK will stop hammering away when it hits against something too firm: assumedly as a safety measure. Unfortunately, this has a consequence when it comes to slow penetration – or indeed any penetration starting from outside the body – as it leads the RK to stop suddenly. You can get around this by placing the dildo inside you before turning the machine on and then turning the speed up further.

The masturbation sleeve and the dildo are made to look lifelike, but neither are stated to be body-safe or phthalate-free, so we would advise to use both with a condom. Certainly Cliterati was glad to have employed common sense before testing the RF, since upon checking it a load of liquid spurted out from between the flesh of the dildo and its metal core. Presumably this was lube, but whether it was your average intimate moisturiser or manufacturing lubrication like WD40 we have no idea!

Another cause for concern is the availability of accessories: if you wanted to go for an upmarket silicone strap-on like one from the Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock range, or indeed a toy from any other brand, you’d find it incompatible with your RF. Even if you wanted to try a different dildo from LoveBotz you’d have difficulty, as the website only sells what you already get in your initial box set. Bafflingly, although they do sell a separate attachment for use in double-penetration, they don’t actually sell the anal toy itself.

Using the RF with the male masturbation sleeve causes all sorts of other issues: namely that whilst erections point upwards, so does the machine – even the Karma Sutra would be stuck on a suitable position!

When the RoboFuk works well it works reeeally well, thrusting tirelessly with unremitting enthusiasm. Hitting all the right spots, it’s an impressive piece of kit, which could easily become a regular feature in the bedroom were it not for its various drawbacks. For, although this is an entry-level machine, at the £320 price of the RoboFuk we would have expected expressly body-safe, phthalate-free silicone sex toys and a greater variety of accessories on offer (or at least parts interchangeable with other brands). A product like this should open the mind and inspire your sex life towards further exploration, rather than narrow your options for the future: if you wanted to use it with a better quality dildo you’d be Fukd.

The Robo Fuk has all the right parts and the potential to hit all the right places, but it’s almost like the manufacturers lost interest in the finished product as a whole: it doesn’t even come with a storage bag. Decent in principle, disappointing in practice, for this sex machine to stay on the scene it would have to be a helluva lot more right on right on. A missed opportunity.

Robo Fuk is available from Lovehoney for £319.99

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 13th April 2015

Toy Review: Jimmyjane Form 5

Jimmyjane Form 5

Being in the enviable position of owning all five Jimmyjane Form vibrators, I feel qualified to comment on the sole piece missing from my collection, the Form 5.

Like the rest of its Jimmyjane stablemates #5 is visually arresting, being beautiful enough to be an ‘objet’ (the Jj designers really do have an exceptional eye). Its shape is unusual but aesthetically pleasing: it has two upright wings like a bird poised to take flight, and its – oh look: Form – screams understated innovation. It even charges in a tasteful way, elegantly displayed on a white stand.

Form 5 is also tangibly pleasing, the soft silicone at the top giving way to a naughty nub (‘Pleasure Dome’) between the wings, settled on a solid base which fits easily in your fist.

Billed as “Pleasure Times Three”, Form 5 works for men, women and couples. For women, the theory is that the fluttering wings caress the labia whilst the Dome targets the clitoris, rather like combining a pebble vibrator with a bullet. You can also use the wings for on-point clitoral massage of a different sensation, or on nipples and other sensitive areas – for example the temple and sinuses (no, not a sex thing, I just found it helped ease the pain).

Unfortunately, the Dome suffers from the same affliction as the nub on Lelo’s Ora: users with a shy clitoris will be challenged to find it with this part of the toy – which is a shame as it’s precisely what it’s been designed for. Leloimproved on this issue with the oral sex simulator Ora 2 and an update from Jimmyjane for the Form 5 would be similarly welcome.

Another improvement to Form 5 would be to make the buttons more visible during use, as once in position it’s darn near impossible to feel, let alone see them! After all, Jj successfully improved the tough-touch buttons on the Form 6 (although the loudness remains a problem), happy proof they do listen to their consumers.

Whilst Form 5 is clearly designed with women mostly in mind, with a lot of (water-based) lube the Form 5 also works well for men. Take for example my husband Roger More, the reluctant recipient of Cliterati’s sex toys for men. An unusually well-endowed chap, his reluctance stems from the eternal disappointment of never finding anything naughty which fits his length and/ or girth. However, running his shaft up and down between the very forgiving and extremely flexible wings – and against the Dome – of the Form 5 elicited a surprised smile.

For me at least there’s a discrepancy between cost versus efficacy with Jimmyjane toys: it’s admirable that they push the boundaries of traditional vibrator design, but a shame that it can result in style over substance (Form 3and Hello Touch, here’s looking at you, Kids). Thankfully Form 5 joins its sister Form 4 as my preferred products from that particular range. If only for my husband Mr More…

Jimmyjane Form 5 is available from Simply Pleasure for £94.95

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 17th September 2015

Toy Review: 8″ Realistic Vibrating Cock by Doc Johnson


There have been a number of innovations in the erotic industry since the simple cord or screw-based battery vibrator of a few decades ago, yet these original designs are still selling well – albeit with a few all-essential tweaks.

Take for example Doc Johnson’s eight inch Vibrating Realistic Cock, modeled on an actual erect penis. Available in two tones, Black or Cream, despite its outmoded electronics it updates this classic conception, thrusting us into the present day thanks to its lifelike look and feel. The shaft has detailed veins and a carefully crafted frenulum and glans (not a phrase one expects to hear every day!). It also has a pair of convincing balls at the bottom – albeit balls with a flat base – for that all-important sack-slap against the body.

In practice the Realistic 8” may have a hefty weight to it, but this above-average appendage won’t make your wrist ache like his big brothers BamJohn Holmes or Jeff Stryker (reviewed here), and it gives more of a stretched and full yet comfortable feel. The integrated battery-powered vibrator may be risible in its old-fashioned form (‘multi-speed’ seems somewhat of an overstatement compared to its contemporaries on the market), but the Realistic 8” works surprisingly well when coupled with such a generously proportioned cock.

There’s also a suction cup at the base with which to stick your new best friend to suitable surfaces such as French windows, bathroom tiles and wooden bedsteads or floors. Indeed, when this sucker gets a good purchase on a surface it’s surprisingly hard to dislodge. In terms of versatility, for couples of any gender combination the suction cup can be used with an O-ring harness as a strap-on, or alone in roleplaying a threesome without the associated politics.

This item comes UR3 version (pictured) – short for Ultra Realistic 3.0. That is to say it’s dual-density: softer to the touch than the usual range but just as firm inside. This ensures it warms easily to your body temperature and feels just as realistic as it looks. In addition, the smell isn’t nearly as strong as some of their other dongs such as the Jeff Stryker.

But still, there is something about Realistic 8” that’s irresistible: Doc Johnson understand what they excel at and they play to those strengths accordingly, with winning user reviews on every occasion. This is a textbook case of ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. That said, it’s probably is time to update the vibrator…

Doc Johnson Realistic 8” Vibrator is available from Simply Pleasure for £39.99

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 19th September 2015

Toy Review: Tunnel Butt Plug by Perfect Fit


There’s something about Perfect Fit’s Medium Tunnel Plug in Clear, Red or Black that’s instantly appealing. It’s like a ‘stress ball’: malleable and robust it springs straight back to shape no matter what abuse it receives. Which is handy, as this butt plug is dedicated to the darkest of pleasures, taking anal sex to a whole new level…

Indeed, designed with extreme naughtiness in mind, as it says on the tin the USP of this product is its integrated tunnel, which with a little imagination can lead to all different kinds of subversive scenarios. Depending on the size of the Plug (Medium, Large or Extra Large), you can insert fingers, lube, a vibrator or whatever takes your fancy into the hole. From douching or erotica enemas, watersports to humiliation play there isn’t much you couldn’t do with this plug: since it doesn’t trap air you could even wear it all day at the office. Naughty!

Perfect Fit’s Medium Tunnel Plug in Clear does unfortunately have its drawbacks. The clearness of the PF blend (silicone and PVC combined) designed to make the anal passage visible during use doesn’t quite work: to satisfy an aspiring proctologist you’d need a glass version.

Likewise, it would be great to have a removable plug inside the tunnel to make it firmer and easier to insert, as there’s a tendency for the plug to collapse because it’s so flexible – an issue with the larger sizes especially. On the one hand this pliability is an essential part of introducing it to the anus (the 6.35” girth of the Medium is not for beginners, and in this shape it doesn’t come in Small) yet on the other hand it actually makes it more difficult to pop in – if not darn near impossible at times. A finger placed in the tunnel may help maintain the firmness, or a vibrator if you have one of the larger sizes.

The important thing with Perfect Fit’s Tunnel Plugs is to go slow, and if at first you don’t succeed, give it a break and then once you’re sufficiently relaxed try, try, try again, ensuring you’re still having fun doing so. Remember too, that this range is not suitable for use with latex condoms, and that anal lube of the water-based variety is of the essence. Happily, once you’ve got these elements sussed you can let your imagination run riot…

Perfect Fit Tunnel Plug is available from Simply Pleasure for £30.95

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 21st September 2015

Toy Review: Zoe Twistty by Maia Toys


From bespoke sex furniture to anal exercisers, in an office brimming with adult items it’s rare that a vibrator catches the eye of Cliterati staff. But then Maia’s Zoe Twistty is no ordinary vibe: its double-ended design means double the fun!

So, how does it work? Well, the narrower tip of the Zoe is slightly curved and tapered for focused use, with gentle undulating waves molded into its silicone underside. Whether inserted to apply pressure to the G-spot or used with lashings of lube on the clitoris or labia, it’s sure to hit its target. These vibrations are at somewhat of a higher frequency than those emanating from the rumbling, ribbed egg-shaped end.

Indeed, for us the deep bass note of the egg was more effective – impressive, in fact, for a non mains-powered wand – and strong enough for a decent shoulder massage with a squirt of water-based lube. If you liked a challenge you could also insert this bulbous end to enjoy that fuller feeling – perhaps after a warm-up from its slimmer opposite side. If you don’t mind your hand shaking it’s also possible to vibrate both ends simultaneously, allowing you to experiment at will.

Whichever end you choose to use, the rechargeable nature of the Zoe means you need never worry about the batteries running out. Indeed, thanks to the USB charger, helpfully you can even hook it up to your laptop to charge – something you might find useful whilst perusing Maia’s website of colourful Fun Factory-esque delights for your next toy (so many beautiful products, so little time!).

Apart from the eyesore of the deliberate misspelling, if we had any criticism of the Zoe Twistty (ouch!) it would be that the silver inserts of the toy lead to unhygienic edges: in an ideal world it would have the seamless silicone of the Jimmyjane Form collection, for example. However, this issue proves less of a problem once you realise the Twistty is waterproof so you can give it a thorough scrub.

Made with a gorgeous soft silicone in an inoffensive purple shade (no pastels! No pink!) the Zoe Twistty even comes with slinky storage bag. Perfect for solo and partner play of any gender or sexuality, it’s two sex toys in one – and at a fair price too. What’s not to like?

The Zoe Twistty is available from Lovehoney for £54.99

Erotica Excerpt: Taking The Train Through Spain

“Railway Line” by Graur Codrin Image courtesy of

“Railway Line” by Graur Codrin
Image courtesy of

Have you ever fucked anyone on a train? I have, and it was a night I’ll never forget.

I’d been visiting friends in Southern Spain, and was headed back to the UK. My finances at the time didn’t cover a plane ticket, and time not being an issue I’d decided that rail travel would be the next best option. My journey down had been uneventful – enjoyable even, since I’d randomly met some great people on the train – and after a couple of weeks of sunning myself in Seville it was time to return home.

My friends saw me off, and with a reciprocal wave and wide smile I turned and went to find my carriage. Like a French ‘couchette’, this was an old-fashioned carriage with long seats during the day that converted into four bunks at night. Thankfully my compartment seemed empty – all mine, at least for now. I couldn’t believe my luck.

And then I realised the air-con didn’t work. Or rather, it probably never had: it looked more like a dodgy fan system than anything, and now even the dodgy fan system was no more. I opened the window as far as possible and sat back on the seat: there, better. I had a slight breeze blowing on my skin, and the sun behind me. I put on my headphones and drifted away to the motion of the train: I’d found living Spanish hours inspiring but tiring, and a little shut-eye could only do me good.

I was woken from my reverie by the carriage door slamming. We’d clearly arrived at Cordoba without me even realising the train had stopped. Still slightly groggy, I was startled to see an apologetic-looking guy taking the seat opposite.

“Cansada?” he asked “Lo siento.”

I knew enough Spanish to understand but not enough to respond: “Yes, I was sleeping. It’s fine.”

“Ah, you are English?” he brightened.

“Scottish, actually, but I won’t hold it against you” I smiled.

Sebastian was younger than me, Spanish, easy-going, intelligent, and fortunately for me, great company. We clearly hit it off because the hours flew by as we chatted, and then all of a sudden it was evening.

The train stopped again and took on more passengers. As it moved off and no-one approached our carriage I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Despite the cooler night air, just from the heat radiating from Sebastian and I it was getting hot in our compartment, and I wasn’t sure how we’d manage with any more people crammed in to our little sweatbox.

A moment later a shadow fell across us and the door opened to reveal an attractive but rather harassed-looking man, swearing in Italian. Sebastian got up to help carry in his collection of bags and suitcases, and once he’d arranged himself and sat down our new roommate visibly relaxed, exhaled exaggeratedly, and shot us a beaming smile. He had absolutely astounding teeth, and they gleamed against his dark skin.

“Mario”, he said by way of greeting, leaning over to shake our hands.

We introduced ourselves, and he apologised for the swearing. He’d been up and down most of the train with all that – effing – luggage, being bounced from pillar to post, because some – unmentionable – conductor had sent him on a wild goose chase for his – cover your ears – carriage. But thank – shh! – he was here now, so how would we like a drink to celebrate?

In my rusty schoolgirl Italian I answered I’d love some, and Mario seemed delighted by my response. Handing over a couple of beers – still cold! – his grin grew even wider as Sebastian pulled out a big bottle of wine. Not to be outdone I dug into my bag for some Cava. Having been caught out with nothing to share with my fellow passengers on my journey down to Spain, this time I’d bought a couple of bottles wrapped wine coolers for the trip home, and it was still drinking temperature. I’d even bought plastic cups – the boys were impressed!

Needless to say the next couple of hours passed in a blur and neither myself, Sebastian nor Mario were ready for bed when the conductor came back past to set the bunks up. We decided to put up the extra bed ourselves when the time came, and Sebastian being the only Spaniard was talked through how to do it. Meanwhile, as the heat became increasingly intense we joked that since we had to keep our liquid levels up somehow, we may as well continue drinking. I was having fun! And I’m not ashamed to admit, some of my enjoyment was due to the attention of being the only woman among two rather good-looking men.

“This is what holidays are all about”, I drunkenly toasted: “To sun, sea and sex!”

“It is night, we are in countryside, and we are not doing dirty like she says Christina Aguilera” Sebastian pointed out.

I was so happily sozzled, I couldn’t help myself: “That’s my favourite karaoke song!” I exclaimed, and jumping up I started singing and gyrating provocatively. I may not have been wearing Christina’s chaps, but from the expression on the guys’ faces I could see that my flimsy summer dress was having the desired effect. They joined in with full voice at every ‘dirty’, and meeting me alternately on the narrow floor and benches had a go at Christina’s dance moves. It was hilarious seeing the glee on their faces as we all tried to dance like pop stars around the tiny train compartment, and their attempts at stimulating sex on each other had me in absolute stitches. If I wasn’t already on my way back to Scotland, then this would certainly be something to write home about.

I don’t know who started it, but suddenly I noticed Mario was doing a stripping routine as he sang, and looking over at Sebastian I saw he was already down to his pants – and they seemed to be sliding southward too! Well, what the hell: I drew my dress over my head and waved it lasso-style in the air. Finally I was cooler, and with my bra off too, well, that would feel even better, I was sure.

Stripped down to my knickers I wriggled and jiggled with joy, and it was no time before I had Sebastian dancing on one side of me and Mario on the other. I laughed in delight. This was going even more swimmingly than I could have hoped.

With a bare arm around each man I was in heaven – especially when as if by some secret signal they both dipped down to suckle my breasts in stereo. This may not have been entirely expected, but that’s not to say it wasn’t welcome: I’d had fantasises about this kind of thing, but never in my wildest dreams had I thought it would be so easy to engineer – or feel so natural. It was neither awkward nor intimidating, and I genuinely couldn’t believe my luck: I couldn’t have imagined my threesome any better. And to think the real fun hadn’t even begun…