If I’ve been quiet on the school-run shoes front recently it’s not because I’ve fractured a toe again and had to resort to flats, rather it’s because the persistent rain (it’s been wet weather, like, pretty much a year now) has limited me to my wellies, waterproof DC trainers (sneakers) or gold Kurt Geiger boots – with only a few sunny heels days thrown in for good measure.
But finally today was one of those rare sunny days here in the UK – at least ’til sunset (yes, it’s raining again now) – so here I am wearing my United Nude colour block wedge Delta shoe-boots (or something) with a pair of black skinny jeans from Next.
This reminds me: if you haven’t yet invested in a pair of Next’s Lift, Slim and Shape jeans I suggest you do – if you can get hold of them, that is, as only the black skinnies ever seem to be in stock as they’re seemingly less popular (I’ve been after a blue pair for months). The jeans also come in Bootcut and Slim styles in both blue and black.
Anyway, being a colour block fiend, when I first saw these crazy Delta shoes online I just had to had them. And so I waited until the sales – no, not the United Nude 30% off sales, but the End Of Season ‘you will never see them this cheap again, up to 70% off’ kinda sales. Not that they were cheap, per se, since they’re United Nudes, but they certainly weren’t the original £310 (I know – can you imagine?!), so really I saved money. Well that’s how I justified my £93 anyway…
These Deltas are heavier than I’d anticipated, and since I’m good at high heels, believe it or not they’re trickier to walk in than I’d expected (mainly because the inner sole is so hard under your feet), but thankfully the chunky platforms balance out any potential ball-of-the-foot high heel related discomfort. And they look fab. Right?!
Since it’s the time of year to wrap up warm and cover those bare legs, I thought we’d get seasonal and review some hosiery. But not any of your usual M&S tights or hold-ups from Boots which form the staples of many women’s top drawers, oh no: being of a naughty nature we decided to try some hosiery you’re unlikely to ever see available on the High Street. Stockings with a twist: stockings which come with labia spreaders.
Yes, instead of a suspender belt to keep our hosiery high, UberKinky sent us Labia Spreaders: little toothy crocodile clips which attach to your labia, whilst the other end fasten to your stockings in the more traditional way, thereby holding them in place. If the clips sound uncomfortable, they’re not – well, only mild to moderately painful depending on how long you wear them. And that of course is part of the pleasure, no? Well, that and being more exposed since your last trip to the gynaecologist, as there’s nothing quite like being on display to arouse both the participant and the voyeur (professional medics aside, of course – god only knows how working with genitals affects your sex life: it’s got to be far too much of a good thing, right?!).
The stockings enclosed by the manufacturers may not be of the best quality, but they’re perfect for standard bedroom antics and you won’t worry about them getting ruined in action. But if you’re wanting to be go more upmarket, then pair the Spreaders with your own favourite stockings, add a skirt and heels and go out for a romantic knickerless meal somewhere smart, where we defy you to get to dessert without some illegal under-the-table interaction.
Wherever you choose to wear them, avoid using lube alongside the Labia Spreaders as this will affect the clips’ ability to stay in place, and you could find them repeatedly slipping off your lovely lady lips (I think we need to say those last three words more often). It’s time to celebrate your body and show off what you’ve got, so treat yourself to some Labia Spreaders for Christmas – it’ll make a great present for your partner too. I can’t think of a better stocking-filler!
It will come as no surprise that this exceptional footwear was designed for one Lady Gaga, who is due to wear them today at her Fame Perfume launch at Macy’s in New York City. Let’s hope she delivers – she certainly did when she wore United Nude’s exceptionally crazy ‘Synesthesia’ heels, below, in Sydney last year.
We can’t help but think that the climbing man tattoo (also below), might be the perfect accessory… *gets Gaga on speed dial*
Here I am on a very cold February Friday morning wearing my patent black United Nude Eamz shoe-boots with a blue-black fur coat from Reiss’ 1971 line, bright orange scarf from Primark, and black brick dress by Olivia Rubin. I am, thankfully, quite warm!
And I love this coat: to me it screams trashy glamour and seedy, sexy rock and roll – as if I’d just got in from partying all night rather than just dropping the kids off at school!
I love how the smartness of the little black dress and patent shoes acts as a fashion counterbalance or counter statement. It’s like rock and roll for the workplace…or in my case, the home and housework!
Today I am wearing my red wool Monsoon coat cinched with a wide black patent black belt, and a stripy Primark wool dress – which frankly was a real find: so cheap, yet so simple and chic with a pair of heels, or perfect dressed down with a pair of flat boots.
The yellow stripe is my favourite colour splash in this oufit, but it’s just out of shot!
Today’s shoe-run shoes: They’re not the most elegant, but they certainly are some of the most comfortable high boots I’ve ever had – check out those stacked rubber soles!
I found them in a second hand clothes boutique four years ago, and they cost me £15. No idea what brand they are though!
Wore the shoe version of these United Nudes yesterday for the school-run, but here is the shoe-boot style for cold nights, muddy puddles, girlie evenings out on the town and asymmetrical pink hairdos. Or all of the above…at once!