Review: Pleaser Seduce Open Back Thigh-high Boots

ImageJust in case you’re under the misapprehension that Richard Gere and Julia Roberts were the stars of Pretty Woman, let me put you straight: the true scene stealers of the film were Vivian’s patent boots – and not only for their condom-storing properties (although let it be known that we here at Cliterati are great fans of being a “safety girl”).

Having lusted after a pair of thigh-high heels since – oooh, let’s take an educated guess…1990 – it was with utter joy that I discovered that Lovehoney sells three different styles of said footwear. They even sell Vivian’s patent lovelies, which we eschewed due to not possessing legs like Roberts’ (which she mentions in Pretty Woman measure “44 inches from hip to toe”). Yup, I may be 5’9″, but even I thought that they’d look welly-like on me.
The Pleaser boots however, looked easier to carry off – primarily because they have laces running all the way up the back which means that you can tighten or loosen them to suit your shape. I figured they’d look less obviously bulky than the Pleasers with the laces up the side, although those looked equally appealing.
Having read the ever-excellent peer reviews on the Lovehoney site, I noticed someone mentioned that if your feet bordered on the wide then it might be worth buying a size up in the Pleaser range. Salient advice, I thought, and then promptly ignored it: “Big mistake. Big. Huge.”
Or rather it would have been, were it not for Lovehoney’s excellent returns policy. As predicted the shoes came up a little too narrow – not much, but just enough to inflict a creeping discomfort over the course of an evening on the dancefloor.
So I sent them back and received a replacement pair of Pleasers within days: these were slightly too long, but more comfortable width-wise. They were also roomy enough to stash my camera and cash for the evening without ruining the silhouette.
If you’ve always wanted a pair of thigh high boots for the bedroom and beyond, then Cliterati can assure you that this particular pair are real Pleasers – plus you can carry your cigs and condoms with ease. Heels are the new handbags don’tcha know, and these babies are gonna treat you so nice you ain’t ever gonna want to let them go. Well, unless you need to trade them for the next size up, that is…
Pleaser Seduce Open Back Thigh-high Boots are available from Lovehoney for £64.99
Pleaser Delight Thigh-high Patent Boots are available from Lovehoney for £64.99
Pleaser Seduce Thigh-high Lace-up Boots are available from Lovehoney for £64.99

New Blue

If I’ve been quiet on the school-run shoes front recently it’s not because I’ve fractured a toe again and had to resort to flats, rather it’s because the persistent rain (it’s been wet weather, like, pretty much a year now) has limited me to my wellies, waterproof DC trainers (sneakers) or gold Kurt Geiger boots – with only a few sunny heels days thrown in for good measure.

But finally today was one of those rare sunny days here in the UK – at least ’til sunset (yes, it’s raining again now) – so here I am wearing my United Nude colour block wedge Delta shoe-boots (or something) with a pair of black skinny jeans from Next.

This reminds me: if you haven’t yet invested in a pair of Next’s Lift, Slim and Shape jeans I suggest you do – if you can get hold of them, that is, as only the black skinnies ever seem to be in stock as they’re seemingly less popular (I’ve been after a blue pair for months). The jeans also come in Bootcut and Slim styles in both blue and black.

Anyway, being a colour block fiend, when I first saw these crazy Delta shoes online I just had to had them. And so I waited until the sales – no, not the United Nude 30% off sales, but the End Of Season ‘you will never see them this cheap again, up to 70% off’ kinda sales. Not that they were cheap, per se, since they’re United Nudes, but they certainly weren’t the original £310 (I know – can you imagine?!), so really I saved money. Well that’s how I justified my £93 anyway…

These Deltas are heavier than I’d anticipated, and since I’m good at high heels, believe it or not they’re trickier to walk in than I’d expected (mainly because the inner sole is so hard under your feet), but thankfully the chunky platforms balance out any potential ball-of-the-foot high heel related discomfort. And they look fab. Right?!

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Miss Miranda Earns Her Fetish Stripes

Miss Miranda Zebra wears Lady Lucie Latex with Fabulously Fetish Boot at Rubber Cult. Headgear by Michelle Mildenhall Hats. Shot by Photobooth OutOfOrder.

To mark today (Saturday) at London Fetish Weekend, I’ve chosen this amazing image from one of my favourite latex designers Lady Lucie Latex. Not only has the photo got the most fantastic setting, but it stars the gorgeous Miss Miranda wearing Lady Lucy’s Marching Band jacket,  (click here to see Miranda in their Military Jacket). I even quite like the quirkiness of the wonky masking tape (er, I mean stripe) in the foreground – I find it kind of endearing…

Anyway, thanks to this picture I now know that alongside the entire Lady Lucie Latex line I want a zebra in my living room, the exact pair of Fabulously Fetish heels featured, and…Miss Miranda (you can keep the masking tape)!


Style: Lady Gaga Courts Fame at Macy’s NYC

Following on from my post last week on the launch of Lady Gaga’s Fame perfume at Macy’s NYC, I’m sure you’ve all been wondering what the inimitable Gaga wore to go with her climbing men United Nude platform shoes.

Well, wonder no longer, as here we have the lady herself dressed as the opera-singing offspring of Predator and a cockroach, conceived in a Stealth Bomber en route to planet Fifth Element. And if you think that’s confusing, check out these pics…

 


Silver Leather Cowgirl Heaven

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These fabulous white cowboy boots come from a vintage-clothes-cum-antiques store in Hastings old town, and not only do they fit me, but they’re actually a bit too big – unheard of for someone with my hulking great UK8 (European 41/42) size feet!
What to wear with cowboy boots? Well, a shirt and some denim, of course! So here I am in a pair of Topshop cutoff shorts (with obligatory pockets peeping through), and a cotton Topshop shirt: I may have never dug the double-denim look, but I do love a crisp white shirt!
The pully’s a Primark special, whilst the jacket is leather and silver (my favourite combination!) from a thrift store in Brighton. Cowgirl heaven indeed…


Starman

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I love these Irregular Choice boots because they’re a great style (crazy cowboy vs rocket riding boots, anyone?!), an unusual combination of colours, and are nice and wide – meaning they’re also very comfortable. But mainly I love them because they’re totally bonkers (that means ‘insane’, for all you Americans out there)!
Let’s just deconstruct these crazy blue boots together for a moment: they have a gorgeous gold band around the top, the toe is ‘m’ shaped (apparently the devil wears Irregular Choice rather than Prada), there are gold stars indented here and there, and the soles are also gold.
But best of all, the boots show a yellow sketch of a boy wearing a striped T-shirt, and a space helmet with a helicopter propeller stuck to it. And yes, he is indeed flying off through the stars with a big exuberant whoooooosh, and a very happy smile on his face.

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I think perhaps it’s because he’s listening to David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust album – Starman, perhaps – as there are expressively drawn airwaves coming out of his lovely little ears. In fact, he could even be a young Ziggy, jetting off for a play-date with his pals – the equally small Spiders From Mars. I like that idea…
It’s not often that footwear inspires a musical story about space – or any other story for that matter! Therefore I now pronounce these Irregular Choice brand boots very special boots indeed. I hope you all agree!


Walking Glitterball Tall

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This pair of Kurt Geiger Snakeskin Salem boots (see previous Geiger Counter post for more details) are fantastically appropriate footwear for unpredictable Spring weather (if I’m allowed to call it Spring yet?!).
The perfect foil to any unexpected shower, these fakey snakey bikers look funky and fresh with any outfit – and give my smart pink 3/4 length Karen Millen coat a suitably subversive and casual twist.
I live on the South coast where it’s invariably brisk and brrreeezy, so along with the rest of Brighton I’m still wearing my winter woollies (which maybe answers my Spring question above!).
Today’s long, silver-grey glitterball-style sequinned jumper is by Fenn Wright Manson. Its delicate colour and scalloped edges remind me of oysters – and lovely lady parts, which is perhaps why subconsciously I find it so appealing! It’s lovely and long and wonderfully warm, and it belts up beautifully. Plus, when the light shines on the sequins I become my own little glitter ball – which the kids just love! I’m not one for muted colours, but this textured top magically lifts my spirits every time I put it on.
Unable to avoid my favoured colour-clash fashion entirely, however, I’m wearing these KG snakeskin boots, FWM silver-sequinned jumper and KM pink coat combination with an flippy orange dress from Dorothy Perkins.
Thus attired, I am ready and prepared for any meteorological eventuality, and fashion-forward whatever the weather!