Toy Review: Top Three Kinky Gifts

Labia Spreader with Stockings imageLabia Spreader With Stockings

If there’s one post that’s been a surprise hit on this blog it’s the review I wrote for this very special hosiery, where stockings are held up by clipping them to the labia rather than a suspender belt. Economical and exceedingly slutty they leave nothing to the imagination – in a good way. Replace the stockings with a luxury pair of your own for an inexpensive upgrade.

This labia spreader with stockings set is available from UberKinky for £15.99

Fetish Fantasy Series Shock Therapy Butterfly Stim

Fetish Fantasy Series Shock Therapy Butterfly Stim

This cute kit is the perfect non-intimidating introduction to electro-stimulation. The control unit features six patterns of electro-massage in ten levels of intensity and comes with three re-usable butterfly-shaped pads which should leave you happily furnished for quite some time. The pads stick fine as as long as you’re lying down (they can fall off if you’re standing up) and can be used to great effect externally on the mons pubis/ clitoral area, breasts/ nipples and wherever else you fancy.

If you’ve ever tried a Slendertone product (which tones your body using a similar system) or a medical TENS machine for pain relief then you’ll recognise the feeling of your muscles being manipulated to contract and release. Whether you’ll enjoy the sensation or not is something else entirely, but if you’re looking to explore electro-stimulation, since the lower levels of intensity don’t remotely hurt the Shock Therapy Butterfly Stim is a great place to start. And who knows, you may even discover you enjoy the pleasure-pain aspect of the highest settings! I suffer from chronic pain – especially in my arms – and so for me ironically any tingling I get from the Butterfly pads is in fact a welcome variation from the norm.

Unfortunately there aren’t any instructions included in the package so be sure to go slow when testing it out for the first time. Pair with Mystim The Goldfather Electrogel for improved sensation.

Fetish Fantasy Series Shock Therapy Butterfly Stim is available from UberKinky for £29.99

Mystim The Goldfather Electrogel is available from UberKinky for £12.99

Anal HookAnal Hook

In the world of BDSM the anal hook is used mainly for posture training as it gives the sub an fantastically exaggerated torso whereby the chest is lifted and there’s a backward arch to the upper spine. This is is a fantastic visual stimulant for the Dominant and a very sexy way to be bound and trussed for the submissive.

One for the die-hard kinksters amongst you, Uber-Kinky’s anal hook is a far more impressive item than it looks in the photos: length-wise if I hold the hooped end to the tips of my fingers and bend my elbow to follow the shape up my arm, the ball comes up to my armpit (I’m 5’9” so not exactly petite). This is where it pays to read the additional information on a product!

Weight-wise it’s also pretty hefty, and since it comes without instructions I’d suggest exercising extreme caution during use until you familiarise yourselves better with your submissive’s tolerance threshold, as if you’re aiming to use it for postural purposes the success of this hook also very much depends on the wearer’s body shape and flexibility – you might be surprised to learn that some issues that beginners encounter have nothing to do with the anal aspect of the hook.

For example, tying the looped end to a D-ring on a collar might prove too much of a dangerous stretch for many people and put unnecessary strain on the neck causing choking (and not in a sexy way). In which case an alternative way to enjoy an anal hook is to tie your long hair to the metal loop or use a longer length of bondage rope to close the gap. You can also use it with a body harness with multiple D-rings running down the spine so that you can choose the perfect height for you, or attach it to a gag harness with reins.

To avoid neck strain altogether you could keep the hook fastened in place and your posture straight by tying a length of bondage rope through the metal loop and then feeding each end of the rope under the submissive’s arms, across the chest, over the opposite shoulder and then back down to the ring so that it looks rather like the sub’s wearing a bondage rucksack (one for the Ramblers amongst you). And then the rope can be pulled as tightly as your Master or Mistress requires with no pressure on your neck or throat – you could even tie the hook to a body harness and wear it under your clothes when you pop to the shops. Of course the other happily sadistic side of an anal hook is that the more the wearer resists it the more they’re forced to feel its presence. Naughty!

You may also want to invest in a butt plug to work up to inserting the ball, as not only is it heavy in itself but combined with the weight of the hook it may be a little more challenging to wear than you might expect. But then of course that’s half the fun… Not for the faint-hearted, but an extremely rewarding product if you have nerves of (stainless) steel.

This Anal Hook is available from UberKinky for £29.99

Combine with Japanese Silk Rope for some serious fetish fun: £14.99 from UberKinky

Toy Review: Labia Spreaders with Stockings

Since it’s the time of year to wrap up warm and cover those bare legs, I thought we’d get seasonal and review some hosiery. But not any of your usual M&S tights or hold-ups from Boots which form the staples of many women’s top drawers, oh no: being of a naughty nature we decided to try some hosiery you’re unlikely to ever see available on the High Street. Stockings with a twist: stockings which come with labia spreaders.

Yes, instead of a suspender belt to keep our hosiery high, UberKinky sent us Labia Spreaders: little toothy crocodile clips which attach to your labia, whilst the other end fasten to your stockings in the more traditional way, thereby holding them in place. If the clips sound uncomfortable, they’re not – well, only mild to moderately painful depending on how long you wear them. And that of course is part of the pleasure, no? Well, that and being more exposed since your last trip to the gynaecologist, as there’s nothing quite like being on display to arouse both the participant and the voyeur (professional medics aside, of course – god only knows how working with genitals affects your sex life: it’s got to be far too much of a good thing, right?!).

The stockings enclosed by the manufacturers may not be of the best quality, but they’re perfect for standard bedroom antics and you won’t worry about them getting ruined in action. But if you’re wanting to be go more upmarket, then pair the Spreaders with your own favourite stockings, add a skirt and heels and go out for a romantic knickerless meal somewhere smart, where we defy you to get to dessert without some illegal under-the-table interaction.

Wherever you choose to wear them, avoid using lube alongside the Labia Spreaders as this will affect the clips’ ability to stay in place, and you could find them repeatedly slipping off your lovely lady lips (I think we need to say those last three words more often). It’s time to celebrate your body and show off what you’ve got, so treat yourself to some Labia Spreaders for Christmas – it’ll make a great present for your partner too. I can’t think of a better stocking-filler!

The Labia Spreaders with Stockings are £15.99 from UberKinky

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