Review: Licx Gel Lube

Licx Gel LubeWith a plethora of intimate moisturisers on the market, it’s hard to know which to choose.

You may already know to select water-based lube for use with silicone sex toys and latex condoms, or use oil-based for anal or longer sessions with a partner, but equally important aspects to consider are whether your chosen sexual lubricant contains suspected carcinogens parabens, or glycerin which is sugary and has the potential to provoke thrush – especially since it’s likely to be employed during a vigorous sex session.

Secondary to these aspects come smell and taste, as there’s nothing worse than a mouthful of unpalatable chemicals midway through a steamy session. Happily, ‘smooth ♥ sensual’ newcomer Licx is inoffensive to the nose and scores highly as it’s palatable too. In fact, it’s a great all-rounder for a general use, and although it does dry quickly a drop of water will soon reinvigorate its intended slipperiness.

In Cliterati’s selfless quest for a decent lube, alarming skin rashes have ensued from the testing of lubricants designed to ‘stimulate or ‘excite’, so we tend to steer well clear of these and deliberately haven’t tested any from the Licx brand. However, if you did fancy trying a non-standard stimulant they have made an Arousal Gel for your delectation, and better still there’s a Licx Mix For Her box set comprising a taster of two sachets of said gel, along with two of Cream lube (containing parabens), Gel lube (paraben-free) and some special intimate wipes. There’s also a Travel Licx mix for naughty weekends away. Smooth and sensual indeed….

Licx Gel Lube is £9.99

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 16th March 2015


Review: Pasante Bullet Lube and Pasante Extra-Large Condoms

Pasante Bullet LubeAfter a quick count I was surprised to learn that I currently have in my possession thirteen different brands of sexual lubricant, each brand with multiple products: flavoured and coloured lube, paraben-free and organic lube, luxury lube, scented lube, oil, silicone and water-based lube and lube designed to look like spunk. They come in pump-action plastic bottles, sachets, tubes and posh glass dispensers, each with content as different as their packaging and each as varied as the smell or the feel of them between your fingers.

This adds up to thirteen-times a helluva lot of very different lubricants in my collection, and right down by the bottom of my lube list of preferred products are those made by the UK’s leading condom brand. That company might know their condoms, but in my opinion their lubes could be vastly improved – and I’ve tried more than five kinds of their top-selling sticky stuff.

So since Pasante seem to be setting themselves up in direct competition with the UK’s leading condom company (even down to the typeface they’ve settled on for their branding), when I was sent some samples of Pasante’s luxury water-based and silicone Bullet Lube I wasn’t holding out much hope. However, thankfully not only are their gold and silver pump-action dispensing bottles a good deal less tacky than the top manufacturer’s similarly-priced equivalents, but the lubes are too. In fact, I was surprised to find I rather liked them.

As expected the clear water-based Pasante Bullet lubricant is safe with all sex toys and reactivated easily with a drop or two of water, whilst the silicone version is better for heavy-duty play such as anal or sex in the shower, and as such it’s longer-lasting and leaves a seductive shine on the skin wherever applied. The Bullet lubes are also odourless, paraben-free and PH-balanced, and don’t taste too much of their chemical ingredients.

Although I haven’t tried Pasante’s cheaper lubes, which again correspond closely to their industry rival’s products in both price and appearance, these Bullets look so sleek and appealing that you might want to make a feature of them in your bedroom – especially as male partners wouldn’t find their appearance too girlie. Plus, if you prefer an anonymous-looking lube then you can easily slip off the plastic covering to hide the contents of the container. And as for where Pasante Bullet would appear in the personal lube list I mentioned earlier, I’d say definitely in the top half. After all, it’s not called a pump-action dispenser for nothing…

And just a quick postscript to those unusually well-endowed men who may struggle to find suitable condoms: you could do far worse than try Pasante’s Extra Large variety. As one male Cliterati tester noted after a lifetime’s struggle with painfully cauterising too-small ‘Large’ condoms, “So this is what it must be like to be normal!” Praise indeed.

Pasante Clear Water-Based Bullet Lube is available from Lovehoney for £6.99

Pasante Silicone Bullet Lube is available from Lovehoney for £7.99

Pasante Extra Large Condoms are available from Lovehoney for £5.99

Review: Vinyl Fitted Fetish Sheet

There are certain occasions when a vinyl sheet would come in useful during sex. Not only during your time of the month, when for practical reasons a little extra bed linen protection would come in handy, but also when a spot of sploshing, also known as WAM (wet and messy fetish), is the order of the day. That’s right, maybe some sploshing, squirting, massage oil or water sports – take your pick. Whichever activity you choose, we’re guessing you don’t want to ruin your Egyptian cotton with chocolate sauce, oil stains or to sleep in the (extremely) wet patch. And that’s where the Fetish vinyl fitted sheet comes in extremely useful.

In fact, so useful is the sheet that it can be used on the floor too (which is great for avoiding sticky handprints on bedroom walls). Although the Fetish fitted our (European Kingsize, which is bigger than UK Kingsize) IKEA mattress more than adequately, being as it is 220cm x 220cm, we here at Cliterati opted to lay it over a rug in the living room, which made it rather more versatile. It also meant that we could put the fire on and stay extra-warm as we played, as there’s nothing colder than being greased up and mucking about on a vinyl sheet dressed in nothing but your birthday suit.

Thankfully there’s also very little as enjoyable as being greased up and mucking about on a vinyl sheet dressed in nothing but your birthday suit – dammit, not only is it slippery and sexy, it’s also goodhearted, silly fun – and as such Cliterati can’t resist a recommendation. So go on, whack the heating up, spoon out the ice-cream and chocolate sauce, cover yourselves in champagne, beer, massage oil or lube – or hell, all of the above – and get nekkid. Just make sure you don’t dine on asparagus before attempting any pee play (trust us, we’ve been there)!

This review is written about this particular sheet: £39.99 from Lovehoney

Click here for the other variations of PVC and vinyl bedlinen available at Lovehoney


Lelo TIANI 2 Review

Lelo TIANI 2 remote and massager: on the left is the remote, on the right is the massager.

Well, where to start this review of the Lelo TIANI 2 except to say that the words “mind-blowing sex” may have been uttered more than once following its various testing sessions. Yes, this is Lelo’s most recent incarnation of the original TIANI 2, this time with more wireless capability (“3x greater range than all other wireless masturbators”, according to Lelo) and fifty percent more powerful vibrations for added Oomph – or even Ooooh. Happily it’s also fully waterproof for bath or shower fun.

Indeed, the TIANI 2 offers a whole world of pleasurable possibilities, as there are simply so many variations of use. Let’s start with exploring the remote control itself: in SenseMotion Mode 1, tilting the remote from a horizontal to a vertical position increases the vibration intensity of the massager, whilst SenseMotion Mode 2 makes the massager vibrate more or less depending on how fast or slow you shake the remote (forget air guitar, this is the very latest in air wanking technology).

Since there are six different vibration settings to choose from, this gives you an irresistible array of play options. Not only that, but you can also use the remote as a vibrator as it mirrors the main massager – unless you want to turn this feature off, in which case the remote flashes instead of vibrating, allowing you to keep track of what the massager’s doing without your hand rattling in tandem. In any case, being able to adjust the intensity without interrupting your flow (for example in order to remove the internal massager and manually fiddle about with its settings) is just blissful – literally. You can also use the massager entirely on its own without the remote should you choose to do so.

Essentially what this all means is that practically the TIANI 2 consists of two separate vibrators, which for a couple makes it a wonderfully democratic toy – especially as when the remote’s in vibration mode it tunes to the exact same setting as the massager, letting you both enjoy the same sensations at the same time. Unless of course you decide to use the two parts of the TIANI 2 on one partner at once (wholeheartedly recommended)!

That’s the theory, so what’s it like in practise? Well, it’s worth bearing in mind that the first time Cliterati used the TIANI 2 during sex we weren’t convinced: Mr More is extremely well blessed, so it was rather an uncomfortable squeeze to fit him in alongside the toy. However, the second time we tested the TIANI 2 we added extra Lelo Personal Moisturizer, extended the foreplay, tried some different positions, and our minds were blown – again, and again, and…yes, just there, please don’t stop, oh god that feels good, again – and we wondered how we’d ever lived without it.

Because once you’ve found an arrangement that suits and got your head around the controls, the TIANI 2 is actually pretty simple. Instead of hard plastic, the silicone is firm yet soft against your skin, and the slim flexible end of the massager (which fits into your vagina or anus) is easy to manipulate so that the bigger vibrating end sits comfortably on your clit (or perineum). Although it isn’t strictly necessary, in order that we could bounce around the bedroom without fear of the TIANI 2 slipping out (yes, you’ll be glad to hear Cliterati is athletic where it counts), we found that the best way to hold the massager in place was to wear it with the sexiest pair of knickers we could get our hands on (Lelo’s silk French Maid shorts would do nicely). Since Cliterati’s undies were still in place and had to be pushed aside for penetration, this also had the added bonus of making our play feel even naughtier.

Likewise, the power games the TIANI 2 lends itself to are endless (such as one partner holding the remote whilst the other partner can only feel the vibrations if – and when – the controller decides), as are the potential role plays. These options become even more mind-boggling when you consider that for Cliterati the remote worked throughout the upstairs of the house, right through the walls. Now not only does the TIANI 2 put a whole new spin on romantic evenings out or a night on the dancefloor, but suddenly the daily commute, the housework and even an obligatory dinner with your partner’s colleagues doesn’t seem so bad…

As an alternative wedding present for open-minded friends, you couldn’t go far wrong with gifting the TIANI 2(think about it: their marital sex life would be set up for…life). But since they say charity begins at home, Cliterati suggests you delve deep, take the plunge, and experience TIANI 2 “mind-blowing sex” for yourselves: its limitless pleasure and play possibilities make it the perfect toy for couples. A joy.

If you’re looking for fun and innovative ways to use your Tiani 2, then Lelo have released their own free How-To Manual: You Two & Tiani 2 which you can read more about here.


First published on Cliterati

La Triole vibrator by Close2You

In a nutshell:

Passable triple-ended T-shaped vibrator comes in a great package.

La Triole Vibrator by Close2You


This vibrator was fantastic in terms of originality – we’d never seen one like it before, and in a sea of identical sex toys on the market, we were impressed by its salient uniqueness.

We also loved the box this item came in, which contained two drawers (one named Triole, one named Accessories), and a smart magnetised flip-lid that lifted to show the contents of the top drawer: the T-shaped Triole vibrator itself. The accessories drawer included a velvet storage bag, silicone cock ring, lube tube, and hygienic wipe.


The Triole was a powerful sounding vibrator – in fact, some of the rhythm settings (which alternated between each end of the three ends of the T-shaped vibrator) were so forceful that they sounded like a banging German techno track! In practise, though, the vibrations weren’t as strong to the touch, and with the varied vibration patterns it was slightly frustrating knowing what end of the Triole to put where, and at what time!

Rating out of 5 (5 being the best):

We loved the Triole’s unusual shape, and the entire package was the first item we’ve seen with absolutely everything every single sex toy should include as standard (storage bag, silicone cock ring, lube tube, hygienic wipe). Unfortunately we weren’t so keen on the Triole itself.

So: 5 for package planning, presentation and forethought, 3 for actual toy function!

Visit Close2You’s website and explore La Triole

An original version of this text appeared on the sextoytesters website


When I saw this Glamour box-set of seven – yes seven! – varied sex toys, I was really impressed, and thought my luck was in! There was a plain silver vibrator with additional G-Spot stimulator sheath, a dildo, love egg, love balls, anal beads and a cock ring. There was also a sachet of lube and the all-important batteries, a necessary inclusion to any electric toy package – after all, there’s nothing more frustrating than a pack of sex toys without the means to make them work! The selection looked well thought out, and the presentation was great: silver, glittery, and great fun. It was slightly hen-party tacky, but that was also part of the appeal – I like a sex toy that doesn’t take itself too seriously, so seven sex toys has got to be seven times as much fun, right?!

Glamour Pur Collection

The Glamour Pur Collection

Sometimes with a big collection of toys you can imagine a female partner feeling over-awed or swamped by the sheer size of the dildos/ bum toys/ etc, and she might like to veto one or two of the items before trying them with her male partner, but that wasn’t the case with this range. Personally I felt more than comfortable trying all the toys out with my husband – the selection wasn’t too intimidating, and it was a good box-set to explore together straight-off the bat.

The vibrator was your standard 3-speed vibe that’s probably been the same since 1970s, which was disappointing, as you’d hope vibrators have evolved since then – which they certainly have! Maybe here it was a case of ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. The vibrator wasn’t loud, but then it wasn’t particularly effective either!

The G-Spot stimulator sheath which slipped over the vibrator was a disappointment: imagine putting a condom on and it only coming three-quarters of the way down your partner’s penis! Not a good look. And not particularly sexy on a vibrator either.

The same went for the dildo, which size-wise came way shy of my (admittedly unusually well-hung) husband’s cock. But in that respect – in its favour – it wasn’t a threatening size, and I do appreciate that not everyone’s a ‘size queen’ like me! Not only did it lack in girth, but it was too short to comfortably hold manually inside you vaginally. It needed to be a good couple of inches longer so that you could hold it in your hand and still feel it was secure inside you – and get some good leverage to use it against your G-spot. It might be better used as an anal toy for someone who’s moving up to a larger size butt-plug, but not quite ready for real anal sex yet. That said: it didn’t have that all-important butt-plug base to stop it from being sucked up by your sphincter, so maybe it wouldn’t actually be appropriate for bum-play after all…

The Love Egg was cute and space-age silver, with four speeds, and the buzz on high speed was really impressive! It would have been better clad in nitrile or some such similar phthalate-free plastic-y type-material, as the join/ seam running around the Love Egg was, well, unseemly, and not very hygienic either! Before using a specially-designed hygiene spray, I like to give my sex toys a good wash first, but I was uncomfortable using water on this toy for fear that the join would let water into the engine. Moreover, the vibrations kept cutting out during use, and in fact the love egg finally stopped working altogether – a real disappointment!

It seemed to be a design fault due to how the wire (connecting the Love Egg to the battery/ control pack) was positioned as it came out of the Egg. When we moved position it seemed to work again. From personal experience this isn’t an unusual fault for a Love Egg, but that doesn’t make it OK – especially if you’re using something brand new for the very first time! And that wasn’t the only issue: the battery/ control pack itself was also faulty, and despite us rejigging the brand-new batteries every now and again to make sure that there wasn’t a loose connection, the battery/ control pack wouldn’t let us adjust speed unless it felt like it! It seemed to jam somewhere inside: a real disappointment that neither the egg itself nor the battery/ control pack it was attached to worked properly. Nul points, mes amis!

The Love Balls were a good weight, attractive and silver, but similar to the Love Egg it was lacking a hygienic cover, and again the toy would have been better encased in nitrile or something similar so that the seam/ join was completely covered and waterproof, so easier to clean, and more smooth-looking. Still, the Love Balls did the job, and would be good for any mum who needs to give her pelvic floor muscles a workout, or for any woman to wear at work, for example, to make her day pass a bit more pleasurably!

The anal beads were standard plastic anal beads, but with a fun, glittery silver finish which looked great. My husband had a secret solo go without me, and was a very happy man. Personally I would have included a butt plug instead of anal beads, but then I guess the Love Egg and dildo were supposed to cover that angle – literally!

The cock ring was cute and non-threatening for men, but whether you could get a guy to actually wear one, I couldn’t say: he might have liked the anal beads, but my husband took one look at this cock ring and laughed out loud. Maybe it wasn’t manly enough – it was glittery and silver, after all! It was however nice and flexible/ stretchy, and as it’s two-tiered (so it sits quite deep on the shaft), it might be handy to use it to stop your man’s cock from penetrating you too deeply during sex.

The sachet of Lube was a useful inclusion – it would have been a helpful introduction for lube novices to see how much difference Lube can make, and I thought it was a nice touch to include it in the toy assortment. What was missing, however, were image-based instructions for those who aren’t sure what goes where – this assortment of toys came with no practical instructions whatsoever, and I’m sure not everyone is equally clued-up in mutual sexual and self-pleasure as me and ‘im!

This is a great collection of toys to use with a partner: you don’t have to go it alone here, get your man involved! In my opinion, its unique selling point is that that there are items here for both men and women to enjoy alone or together. And everyone knows it’s always better to share…

A version of this text appeared on the Sex Toy Testers Website

Whilst writing this text I listened to the following on Spotify:

Roots Manuva – 4everevolution (Kinda poppy, but with deep enough basslines to hook you right in, and top lyrics to accompany them – as always)

Brett Anderson – Black Rainbows (This reminded me not just of Suede, obviously, but also something else that has momentarily escaped me. I’ll be back to correct this sometime soon when I get the thought back!)