Since it’s the time of year to wrap up warm and cover those bare legs, I thought we’d get seasonal and review some hosiery. But not any of your usual M&S tights or hold-ups from Boots which form the staples of many women’s top drawers, oh no: being of a naughty nature we decided to try some hosiery you’re unlikely to ever see available on the High Street. Stockings with a twist: stockings which come with labia spreaders.
Yes, instead of a suspender belt to keep our hosiery high, UberKinky sent us Labia Spreaders: little toothy crocodile clips which attach to your labia, whilst the other end fasten to your stockings in the more traditional way, thereby holding them in place. If the clips sound uncomfortable, they’re not – well, only mild to moderately painful depending on how long you wear them. And that of course is part of the pleasure, no? Well, that and being more exposed since your last trip to the gynaecologist, as there’s nothing quite like being on display to arouse both the participant and the voyeur (professional medics aside, of course – god only knows how working with genitals affects your sex life: it’s got to be far too much of a good thing, right?!).
The stockings enclosed by the manufacturers may not be of the best quality, but they’re perfect for standard bedroom antics and you won’t worry about them getting ruined in action. But if you’re wanting to be go more upmarket, then pair the Spreaders with your own favourite stockings, add a skirt and heels and go out for a romantic knickerless meal somewhere smart, where we defy you to get to dessert without some illegal under-the-table interaction.
Wherever you choose to wear them, avoid using lube alongside the Labia Spreaders as this will affect the clips’ ability to stay in place, and you could find them repeatedly slipping off your lovely lady lips (I think we need to say those last three words more often). It’s time to celebrate your body and show off what you’ve got, so treat yourself to some Labia Spreaders for Christmas – it’ll make a great present for your partner too. I can’t think of a better stocking-filler!