Nope, this packaging would certainly not have been named as an offence against the Trade Descriptions Act, as it was a pretty clear depiction of what it included, the product involved, and the finished result. It was also very tasteful, considering the naughty-fun factor of its contents! My husband and I loved the ‘Bitch Ass Black’ colour name too – it would repel those who wouldn’t like Latex Body Paint anyway, and easily attract the right audience/ market without even trying. Clever!

Applying the latex paint was sexy and fun – my favourite combination! My husband painted it onto my chest, and we both enjoyed every moment of the light-hearted intimacy involved in painting someone’s breasts in ‘Bitch Ass Black’ latex. But it was sexy too, and it applied well: the latex was easy to spread, and the foam applicators were comfortable to use, and not too ‘dinky’. All too often these things have cheap and nasty applicators, but these particular sponges were smart with wooden handles, and did the job really well.

Once on, it was a sure-fire hit, and we’re not huge rubber enthusiasts – well, apart from a couple of extremely naughty rubber dresses in my wardrobe! The latex paint dried nicely, and felt great once it was actually dry. In fact, it felt f***ing fantastic to the touch! I would suggest using two coats of paint, however, as you could see the brushstrokes on only one application of paint, and here and there the skin showed through.

Get yourselves ready for some rubber latex loving…

On the interior tub of paint, it suggests “for a durable finish, apply sparkle dust to the dried latex”. I believe it’s a big mistake not to include a sachet of said “sparkle dust” in the box – especially as “sparkle dust” is impossibly non-specific: where would you buy it,www.princessandfairysextoysrus.com? Or perhaps http://www.magicnaughtinessforgrown-ups.com ?! Likewise where it says “a glossy, wet look can be achieved by using a silicone-based shine spray”, including a sample of that same spray in the box would be handy. Kinda frustrating…

The package says “peeling liquid latex off is as much fun as putting it on – do it with a hot friend”, but only real difficulty in using the product was removing it: wow it hurt! Imagine being female and getting your chest waxed, when you weren’t even aware you had any body hair there in the first place – and personally, I actually like a bit of pain here and there! Ouch – and not in a good way. I have no idea how you’d remove a whole body’s worth of dried latex paint – for me washing it off would be the only way…

Generally speaking, since your skin does have to be hair-free, this does limit you a little with regards to using this product on a man, for example. I wouldn’t suggest going off-piste on non-recommended areas with this body paint, although on a thoroughly waxed bikini area it could add a certain something! I think I’ll try it when all my laser hair removal sessions are completed. In fact, the very thought of that is getting me all hot under the collar already…!

So I’m glad to say that the novelty of the latex covering my skin so closely was a real turn-on, which means you won’t be limited to just painting it on as foreplay. Yup, this body paint will get you both hot under the collar when it’s dry too: I can guarantee that getting your partner to run their hands over your newly sculpted rubberised body will make you both melt at the novelty of it all. It was really unusual to have something so tightly mapped to my body, which made it a totally unique experience. I loved the feel, and so did my husband: he couldn’t keep his hands off my breasts – always a winner! Being painted in Bitch Ass Black is like having a super-sexy extra-sensual second skin. What’s not to like? I want the brand’s Joanna Angel Hot Pink Pubes pubic hair dye – now!

A version of this text appeared on the Sex Toy Testers Website

Whilst writing this post I listened to the following on Spotify:

DJ Shadow – The Less You Know, The Better (Shadow doing what he does best: nice enough tracks but pretty dull, as you’ll have heard it before around fifteen years ago, as it’s very Endtroducing-y: I would have liked something more fresh, but I guess it’s a case of if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! An updated sound would be nice though…)