For £200 orgasms look no further…


Best Mains-Powered Wands

Nothing like a sexy little listicle to get our pulses pounding, so with Valentine’s Day incoming, here’s Cliterati’s round-up of the best mains-powered wands currently on the market. There’s wand for everyone (see what we did there?!).

And before you hit Confirm on the order for your naughty delivery, remember:

The first rule of Wand Club is a good water-based lube, the second is a good antibacterial cleaning spray. The third and most important rule? Before you buy, consider you might need an essential international plug adaptor for your chosen wand.

Now for the fun part –

Eroscillator wand reviewThe Eroscillator 2 Deluxe

If you enjoy love-making as well as a good fuck then this baby has it all. It may be expensive and ugly but it constitutes the investment of a lifetime. Bestowing orgasms like no other again and again and again, it genuinely has no equal.

Buy the Eroscillator for £199 from Lovehoney

Read our review for the original Eroscillator

Doxy Massager Review

Doxy Massager

This exquisite piece of British engineering is the best traditional mains-powered wand out there, no question. Actually, we do have a question – will you choose Doxy’s standard wand or the die-cast version, and in which colour? Outstanding.

Buy Doxy with UK, EU and US plugs from Lovehoney for £89.99

Buy Doxy Die Cast from Lovehoney for £149.99


Bodywand Vibrator

Ongoing favourite that never fails to deliver. So popular, it’s often out of stock – whichever online store you choose. Suggest you also invest in a rubber or vinyl sheet to protect your mattress from any (un)expected squirting.

Buy Bodywand from Simply Pleasure at £57.95

Read the full Bodywand review here


Palm Power by Swan

Lightweight yet powerful, this is a fantastic wand for those of us who like a long play but don’t like our arms getting tired. Extra attachments are available!

Buy Palm Power from Simply Pleasure for £74.95

Read the full Palm Power review here

Review Lovehoney Deluxe Bodywand Magic Vibrator

Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand

You will rarely go wrong with a Lovehoney own-brand item, and this wand is a case in point: it’s a solid success. Excellent work, LH HQ!

Buy Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand for £49.99


Fancy something a little…different?

Try the Tokidoki x Lovehoney Unicorn Wand if you like it kitsch and kawaii, or the Motorhead Orgasmatron War Pig for the rebellious rock chick in you. Proving that yes, as we said at the top of the page, there really is something for everyone.

Buy Tokidoki x Lovehoney Unicorn Wand for £99

Buy the Motorhead Orgasmatron for £89.99 from Lovehoney

So, did you remember the rules of Wand Club?

Water-based Lube

Antibacterial Toy Cleaner

International plug adaptors

Excellent work, Folks 🙂

Toy Review: Robo Fuk Sex Machine

Robo Fuk by Love Botz

Ever on the hunt for a decent sex machine, we were lucky enough to get our hands on the Robo Fuk by Love Botz. Suitable for both men and women it comes complete with realistic accessories, namely a Fleshlight-esque sleeve and a bendable dildo that can be shaped to your preferred angle.

At first glance the RF seems promising: easily set-up and with one page of simple instructions, it’s neither too big nor too small and you can store it under your bed. The first issue reveals itself when you plug the machine in: unfortunately the mains lead slips out at the slightest provocation – rather frustrating when the entire product is designed around moving parts.

The thrusting itself works very simply: you choose the angle of penetration/ reception by rotating a wheel to lock and unlock the thruster in place, and a dial in your hand which is wired to the RF helps you change the speed of thrusts at will. The RK will stop hammering away when it hits against something too firm: assumedly as a safety measure. Unfortunately, this has a consequence when it comes to slow penetration – or indeed any penetration starting from outside the body – as it leads the RK to stop suddenly. You can get around this by placing the dildo inside you before turning the machine on and then turning the speed up further.

The masturbation sleeve and the dildo are made to look lifelike, but neither are stated to be body-safe or phthalate-free, so we would advise to use both with a condom. Certainly Cliterati was glad to have employed common sense before testing the RF, since upon checking it a load of liquid spurted out from between the flesh of the dildo and its metal core. Presumably this was lube, but whether it was your average intimate moisturiser or manufacturing lubrication like WD40 we have no idea!

Another cause for concern is the availability of accessories: if you wanted to go for an upmarket silicone strap-on like one from the Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock range, or indeed a toy from any other brand, you’d find it incompatible with your RF. Even if you wanted to try a different dildo from LoveBotz you’d have difficulty, as the website only sells what you already get in your initial box set. Bafflingly, although they do sell a separate attachment for use in double-penetration, they don’t actually sell the anal toy itself.

Using the RF with the male masturbation sleeve causes all sorts of other issues: namely that whilst erections point upwards, so does the machine – even the Karma Sutra would be stuck on a suitable position!

When the RoboFuk works well it works reeeally well, thrusting tirelessly with unremitting enthusiasm. Hitting all the right spots, it’s an impressive piece of kit, which could easily become a regular feature in the bedroom were it not for its various drawbacks. For, although this is an entry-level machine, at the £320 price of the RoboFuk we would have expected expressly body-safe, phthalate-free silicone sex toys and a greater variety of accessories on offer (or at least parts interchangeable with other brands). A product like this should open the mind and inspire your sex life towards further exploration, rather than narrow your options for the future: if you wanted to use it with a better quality dildo you’d be Fukd.

The Robo Fuk has all the right parts and the potential to hit all the right places, but it’s almost like the manufacturers lost interest in the finished product as a whole: it doesn’t even come with a storage bag. Decent in principle, disappointing in practice, for this sex machine to stay on the scene it would have to be a helluva lot more right on right on. A missed opportunity.

Robo Fuk is available from Lovehoney for £319.99

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati on 13th April 2015

Toy Review: Rabbits – Soraya, Whooper, Bondara Silicone, Amorino, Tingly Timmy

Lelo Soraya

Soraya by Lelo

Ably pipping its Lelo counterpart the Ina 2 to the post, the Soraya is worth the price you pay for a toy from the Lelo luxury brand (surprisingly this is not always the case, as demonstrated by some of their more ‘experimental’ products of late such as the much derided Pino).

Smooth silicone and powerful vibes combine in the Soraya to boast two motors and six settings for a more flexible experience than the Ina 2. Indeed, it’s the Soraya’s less rigid clit-stim finger that sends it shooting up the list past its Lelo stablemate – in our eyes at least.

If you’re undecided between the Soraya and the Ina 2, then please read our more detailed Lelo Rabbit vs Rabbit review, and test Lovehoney’s amazing returns policy if ultimately you feel the Rabbit you’ve bought doesn’t suit your body shape.

Lelo Soraya is available from Lovehoney for £128.99

Lelo Ina 2 is available from Lovehoney for £104.99

Whooper Swan

Whooper by Swan

Having tried several of Swan’s upmarket rabbit vibes, including the Royal Swan with its rotating shaft which didn’t quite do it for us clitorally (see? So many functions to factor in for review!), we’re pleased to recommend our favourite: The Whooper Swan. Waterproof, quiet and firmly flexible, it’s made from high-quality soft, sensual silicone with two motors that deliver simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation (or not, since you can also turn either shaft off for a one-prong approach).

Although it comes without pattern settings and with straightforward vibrations only, the vibrations themselves are satisfyingly strong – unsurprising really, since the Swan is by the same people as Cliterati’s favourite lightweweight mains-powered wand the Palm Power (read my Palm Power review here). There’s also something inherently attractive about the shape of the Whooper, and despite its obvious pinkness (in contrast, say with the gorgeous green of the Ina 2), its simplistic design appeals – particularly the bulb-like clitoral stimulator which works far better than any rabbit-eared shaped competitor.

There are a couple of issues to note, principally the fact that you can accidentally turn the Whooper off during use, as much like the Palm Pilot it employs the same button to turn on, increase and turn off the toy. However, this can be turned to your advantage if you’re surprised mid-act and quickly need to switch it off. Secondly, having spoken about its aesthetic, there is seam which scars the silicone of the Whooper, although you can’t feel it during use so this is just nit-picking really. The great packaging the rabbit comes in makes it more than worthy of gift status for a lover.

So if you know that rabbits float your boat and you’re looking for an upgrade, then the Whooper is a solid sex toy with surprising strength: top-notch stuff from Swan.

The Whooper Swan is currently £55 from Simply Pleasure (where it’s usually priced at £89.95)

Bondara Silicone Rechargeable Rabbit

Bondara Silicone Rechargeable Rabbit

If you’re looking for an entry-point rabbit then head to Bondara for their own-brand Bondara Silicone Rechargeable Rabbit. At £24.99 it rests easy on your wallet, looks great by your bedside, sits silky smooth in your hands and feels fab in your foo-foo (sorry)!

Flaunting around 4.5 inches of insertable length and a girth of 1.5 inches (circumference) at the widest points, the Bondara Silicone Rechargeable Rabbit has three vibration speeds and eight vibration modes. It’s splash-proof meaning you can use it in the shower, and as it says on the tin it’s also rechargeable, so no messing about with batteries.

Although Bondara’s Silicone Rabbit may not have the strongest vibes around (Lelo’s Ina 2 is in a league of its own here, yet its intensity is too much for many), this really is a fantastic starter rabbit in price and performance. Job done.

The Bondara Silicone Rechargeable Rabbit is available from Bondara for £24.99

Fun Factory Amorino

Fun Factory Amorino

Although it was the bright colour scheme of this mini rabbit that first caught our eye (ours came in a gorgeous teal), it was the addition of the removable gold band which really got us intrigued, the idea being that this stimulates the wider external area of the female genitalia which usually gets neglected. Does the band work? Well, kinda (read ‘not really’): this aspect is basically as fun as you make it. Thankfully, with the usual impeccable feisty Fun Factory vibration settings focussing on the clitoris and g-spot, this means going for gold!

Again, although not as powerful as Lelo’s Ina 2 (which is unusual in its potency, even amongst rabbits its own size), this little baby packs a surprising punch and is perfectly functional (removable rubber band gimmick notwithstanding). Especially good for travelling light, the Amorino is a mini rabbit with a huge heart. A surprise success, it comes highly recommended.

Fun Factory’s Amorino is available from Lovehoney for £54.99

MyStim Tingly TImmy

Tingly Timmy from MyStim

And now for something completely different: indeed, dildos don’t get much more unique than MyStim’s wonderfully silky Tingly Timmy, a silicone rabbit with no equal. This is because rather than vibrating or rotating it uses electro-stimulation to er, stimulate the G-spot and clitoris (you can read the in-depth Tingly Timmy review here).

If you’re unsure as to what electro-stim involves then you may like to read Cliterati’s review of the ElectraStim E-80 Dual Channel pack, which should give you a fair idea of the e-stim experience. For us, Tingly Timmy seemed a natural partner to this four-channel starter set– albeit one from an entirely different brand.

With four channels you can separate and choose the stimulation on each pad, which is ideal since the vaginal tunnel can enjoy a lot more than the supremely sensitive clitoris! It also enables you to find the perfect level for you – even more essential in electro-play than with standard rabbits. One for the esoteric amongst you.

Tingly TImmy is available from Simply Pleasure for £69.95


If your budget doesn’t stretch to Cliterati’s Favourite Few, then just be sure to choose a silicone rabbit vibrator and not transparent jelly material (which isn’t body safe) from somewhere with a good returns policy. Avoid Ann Summers’ disappointing Expanding One Rabbit, which for our tester fell below par in every aspect.

When playing with any of Cliterati’s recommendations don’t forget a water-based lube and antibacterial toy cleaner.

We were sent the products above in exchange for a fair and honest review. Many Rabbits were sampled though none were hurt in the writing of this review.

This piece was originally posted on Cliterati 25th November 2014

Toy Review: Fun Factory’s Stronic Zwei and Stronic Drei

Stronic Drei by Fun Factory

Stronic Drei by Fun Factory

Having rated the Stronic Eins amongst my Top Twelve Sex Toys of 2012, I was intrigued about manufacturer Fun Factory’s second and third variations on the theme. Stronic meaning ‘strong’ in German, and Eins, Zwei and Drei translating as One, Two and Three respectively, I was interested to see what could be different about a toy which had already broken the mould so impressively. Because the Stronic range comprises not vibrators, but ‘pulsators’: that’s to say the toys thrust with an in-and-out motion rather than rumble like a traditional vibrator. In other words, although the Fun Factory’s product description might state otherwise, really these are best employed for penetration rather than external (clitoral) stimulation.

So what of the Zwei? Well, this is the Stronic designed mainly for anal use, curved as it is for prostate play and with the flared base to avoid any involuntary sphincter swallowing of the toy. Size-wise, well, let’s just say that along with vehement shakes of the head there were a few choice words spoken by Mr More, who was adamant that it was too big for light-hearted use. I had to agree it seemed rather a challenge: the wide girth and length combined with the general invasive ‘Stronic’ thrusting approach of the Zwei suggested it was designed for the more experienced anal fans amongst us – or at least for those who aren’t easily intimidated (or low on lube!).

So I passed the Zwei onto a (gay) male friend of mine, whose eyes had lit up when I’d initially mentioned it to him. His thoughts ran similar to ours: “The Zwei is too big and too bulbous at the end for easy insertion, so it’s maybe one to work towards or to only attempt if you’re a size queen. I thought I was previous to testing this, but now I know different: somehow it’s a different experience in silicone than in the flesh. Either way, enjoy the Zwei with lashings of lube, as once I got it in it was prostate perfect, and I couldn’t wait to try it again – well, as soon as my rear had recovered, that is. So perhaps this toy’s a case of ‘no pain no gain’?!” Or perhaps he should just try the Lelo Billy for all-round easy play – I know men of every sexual orientation who swear by this smaller yet perfectly formed badboy.

With regards to the Drei, well… I can’t say I’d ever felt inspired about trying a curvy silicone caterpillar on for size before, but on this occasion I was right to be excited. That’s right, the Drei has pipped the Eins to be first at my personal Stronic post, and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, just as the width on the Zwei is generally considered too daunting for anal use, the girth of vaginal toys is often disappointing. Although the Drei isn’t unusually wide (and indeed could perhaps be wider), thankfully the clear curve at the end makes it feel bigger than it actually is. Secondly, the tip is of the toy also well-placed and firm enough to deliver what it promises: perfect G-spot or P-spot stimulation, right on target. Thirdly, let’s not forget the ripples, which are most certainly ‘ribbed for her pleasure’ (as the old condom packets used to read), although they don’t make anal play quite so easy.

Being a Fun Factory product, the Drei is also brightly coloured and made of high grade silicone, with a simple mains charger which connects magnetically to the base of the Stronic and recharges for ample battery life (although you have to buy the charger separately – a bit mean of Fun Factory, I’ve always thought, especially considering the Stronic series don’t come cheap). However, since the Drei is designed for prostate or female anal and vaginal use, you do get two toys for the price of one, which makes it a solid investment for any open-minded couple. That’s if you can get it in to your rear – and happily the Drei’s insertion end seems slightly more accessible than that of the Zwei.

I do have a few criticisms of the Drei, of course (I wouldn’t be doing my job properly otherwise!) but they just come down to personal preference: I would have liked it longer for deeper vaginal penetration, and wider for a fuller sensation. If the weight of the motor were in the tip of the toy for extra effect, rather than in the end you hold, that might also be an improvement (and that goes for the rest of the range too – although I’m guessing it’s not practical at this early stage of the motor/ design).

However, really the Drei is an incredible item which along with the rest of the Stronic range is original and inspired.Fun Factory are fast becoming one of my favourite brands, and although it’s expensive – and then you also have to buy the charger separately – the Stronic Drei is definitely worth the investment, especially as it’s unlikely to be like any other sex toy you already own. And although I never thought the Eins could be bettered in its field, personally I’d almost certainly choose the Drei over the Eins for a more likely orgasmic outcome.

So how to use these particular sex toys? Well, contrary to instinct, the lighter you grasp the EinsZwei or indeedDrei from the Stronic range, the better it thrusts. Likewise, the lower (or less frequent pulses) the setting, the more successful the sensation. Speaking of which, a good tip is to wear underwear or tights whilst enjoying any Stronic to keep it from pumping itself out (or your Kegels from inadvertently expelling it), as this also leaves your hands free to focus on your favourite clitoral (or penile) stimulator.

Yes, this is a gentle reminder to expect internal satisfaction rather than external stimulation from the Stronic series, which means the only thing left to do is to choose a vibrator or cock ring from Fun Factory’s extensive collection of impressively designed toys. I’ve heard their battery-powered, clit-stim dedicated Layaspot is good,er…fun, similarly the Lovering 8ight for men. Just don’t forget to purchase some silicone-friendly water-based lube to enhance the experience and some antibacterial cleaner to prepare your toy for the next time you want to indulge: because you will want to, again and again and again. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it…

Disclaimer: I was provided with this product free of charge in return for my honest review. 

The Stronic Eins is available from Simply Pleasure for £128.95

The Stronic Zwei is available from Simply Pleasure for £128.95

The Stronic Drei is available from Simply Pleasure for £128.95

The Fun Factory Layaspot is available from Simply Pleasure for £32.95

The Fun Factory Click n Charge Magnetic Charger is available from Simply Pleasure for £4.95

The Lelo Billy is available from Simply Pleasure for £66.95

The Fun Factory 8ight Lovering is available from Lovehoney for £14.99

Fun Factory Toyfluid Water-Based Lube is available from Lovehoney for £8.99

Fun Factory Sex Toy Cleaner is available from Lovehoney for £6.99

Fun Factory Official Website

Toy Review: Top Three Secret Sex Toys

Rianne S - Forbidden Fruit

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Forbidden Fruit by Rianne S in exchange for my honest review.

Forbidden Fruit by Rianne S

As much as I would love to be completely impartial with regards to this item, I have a soft spot for Rianne S products before I’ve even tried them. This is because they just scream quality and taste, from the toys themselves right through the imagery, design, packaging and beyond – even their customer care is fantastic.

I reviewed Rianne’s Matryoshka last year which quickly became a firm favourite of mine: it’s innovative, extremely easy on the eye, and it also goes like a demon. So when it came to trying her Forbidden Fruit sex toy – well, not only had I never seen anything like it (the glamour!) – but I loved the concept and couldn’t wait to see if it would actually deliver.

As you open the beautiful purple box and pull the contents out, you’ll discover that like the Matryoshka, Rianne’s apple comes with a charger base complete with classy lid, which means you can charge and store your toy in plain view and it’ll just look like a pretty opaque purple plastic display case. And since the Forbidden Fruit is more of an all-body massager than a simple sex toy, and is therefore designed for use with massage oil, it’s made of a tough plastic silicone rather than the softer silicone you might expect (which could easily be degraded with the use of the wrong oil). This means that the five different intensities and seven vibratory patterns of the apple seem louder than they might as they’re less muffled by the casing, but thankfully the toy still errs on the quieter side.

Happily too, the settings are changed by moving the apple stalk around, and as a great fan of witty design I was very impressed by such a cute user interface. Indeed, when it came to handling the Forbidden Fruit, we found the vibrations impressive for all over body-massage, and also very effective for scratching that particularly naughty itch – result!

So if you’re looking for an all-round sex toy which not only looks beautiful but makes you and your partner feel beautiful too, then Rianne’s Forbidden Fruit is for you. It’s a fantastic present for any discerning sex toy collector. Temptation is within your grasp: just one bite and you’ll be hooked…

The Forbidden Fruit is available from Rianne S for €89

Je Joue MiMi 2

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free MiMi by Je Joue in exchange for my honest review.

MiMi by Je Joue 

At first glance the MiMi by Je Joue looks like a small decorative pebble of the kind you’d see in someone’s home, stacked in a vase or artfully scattered and displayed on a tray on the mantelpiece. That is until you pick the MiMi up, and discover that it’s not made of stone or fibreglass but is actually an oval vibrator covered in the softest silicone. This makes it the most stroke-able, silky toy to touch: cupping it in your palm is a delight even when it’s switched off, and then when it’s turned on…let’s just say you will be too.

This is because the MiMi packs a pretty powerful punch for such a small stone-shaped sex toy: its five power levels work across each of the six different pulse patterns, and navigation between each is happily intuitive. It’s not too weak in its highest setting, nor too loud either. In fact, the only drawback I could find was that one of the settings – although absolutely fine used at the higher end of the scale – clicked slightly at the lowest intensity, which made me think the mechanics inside were about to break (they didn’t). Instead I think that must be just how that particular vibration pattern was intended.

How to use the Mimi? It’s clearly designed for clitoral stimulation, but given its shape it also lends itself perfectly to being a couple’s toy, either for the nipples or the perineum. As always with Je Joue products, the box the MiMi comes in is cute and classy, making it great gift material. The MiMi’s also perfect to take on a trip if you’re packing light, and you’ll get even more out of it if you bung a bottle of water-based lube (such as Yes) in your washbag too. Coming as the MiMi does in four different shades: lilac, black, fuchsia and purple, there’s one for everyone. Yes, that means you too!

The MiMi is available from Lovehoney for £64.99

Shri Zinn cupcake

Disclaimer: I was provided with a free Shiri Zinn Cupcake by Vibrator Kingdom in exchange for my honest review.

Shiri Zinn – Cupcake Vibrator

A cupcake made of the softest silicone, this palm-sized party piece is foreplay perfection. The vibrations are strong, and it looks so goddamn tasty that by mere association you’ll want to tuck into your partner before you’ve even pressed the Cupcake’s base and turned it on.

Yes, I’ve written about this fantastic foreplay tool before – to me it’s the epitome of cheeky sexy chic. Indeed, if this cake had a dating profile its personality would read ‘Sexy and fun; GSOH’, which we’d all know would translate into it being a great lover. Naughty but nice.

The Cupcake is available from Vibrator Kingdom for £34.99

Toy Review: My Top 12 Sex Toys of 2012 – Find Your Lover The Perfect Sexy Christmas Gift

Wondering what sexy treat to get your lover for Christmas? Well luckily for you (and for me!) I’ve spent much of this year in pursuit of the perfect sex toy, and many testing hours later I’ve come up with my 2012 Top 12. You can thank me later.

1)      Wooden Dildo by The Kinky Drawer

For sheer beauty and exquisite ‘objet’-ness, these handmade dildos remain unsurpassed. If your lover has generic sex toys aplenty, then this will complete their collection nicely.

They also have a bespoke service where you can design your own wooden dildo, from length and girth to shape and ridges. Mine is modelled on my husband Roger: my dream double-team!

Visit The Kinky Drawer

MONA-2_packshotMona 2 by Lelo

My all-time favourite vibrator the Lelo Mona just got dumped for a younger model: welcome the Mona 2.

Ticking both G-spot and clit stim boxes, it may be expensive but with vibrations that strong (I – wait for it – had to turn it…down!) it’s worth every goddamn penny. And you can quote me on that.

From packaging to performance, it really is the perfect gift. ‘Nuff said.

The Mona 2 is available from Lelo for £84

3)      Stronic Eins by Fun Factory

A thrusting dildo rather than a vibrator, this is the future of vaginal masturbation, and for good reason it’s the hottest sex toy on the market right now. Best for internal rather than external play, the Stronic is like nothing you’ve ever tried before. It takes a moment or two to get used to using a pulsating product, but once you’re there we guarantee you won’t be going back – just don’t forget to buy a Fun Factory charger too if you haven’t already got one. Fucking fantastic.

The Stronic Eins is available from Simply Pleasure for £128.95

4)      Pillow Foreplay

To the untrained eye the Pillow Foreplay is a completely crazy idea: in layman’s terms it’s an adjustable inflatable pillow with a hole in which you stick your favourite vibrator.

You then ride the pillow-vibe combo like a cowgirl, or even clasp it missionary style above you if you prefer. It’s so simple it works like a dream, also proving popular with male partners due to the visual aspect. Plus it can be used during sex as a handy prop for the more athletic positions.

The Pillow Foreplay has to be tried to be believed, and luckily there are three different versions for girls, guys and gays alike. I’m now a believer – especially as they also do a bespoke service meaning you can have it in latex, leather or even with BDSM-friendly D rings should you so require. Highly recommended.

Visit Pillow Foreplay

5)      The Matryoshka by Rianne S

With phenomenal packaging this really is a truly gorgeous gift: our jaws literally dropped when we saw The Matryoshka’s box – and that was before we’d even opened it!

As its Russian Doll namesake suggests, The Matryoshka is beautifully feminine in shape, and has its own presentation case (pictured) which you can use to conceal it as it charges (although you will need to buy a European plug converter separately).

Not only is it genuinely gorgeous and unique, but it works a treat: surprisingly powerful, it’s the ideal clit stim toy. We were so impressed we had to test it again, and again and again…

Rianne’s Forbidden Fruit apple vibrator is also said to be outstanding, but we’ve yet to test it ourselves.

Like Rianne’s Forbidden FruitThe Matryoshka is classy to the extreme – in other words, the perfect present for any discerning diva. After all, you can’t go wrong with something so right. Exquisite.

Visit Rianne S

6)      Bloom by Leaf

Leaf make the most gorgeous green eco toys we’ve ever seen at Cliterati HQ. I’ve tried the fresh and flexible Bloom and was amazed not only at how powerful its separate vibrations were at both ends, but impressed at the unique design which allows you to reach your required intensity simply by keeping the button pressed until you get there (rather than flicking through the vibrations level by level).

Presented in a Fairtrade-style tea box with a cute canvas storage pouch, this phthalate-free silicone toy is an absolute beauty. Clever and cool, it brings a whole new meaning to the term tea-bagging!

Bloom is available from Simply Pleasure for £89.95Other Leaf toys are also available.

7)      Cupcake Vibrator by Shiri Zinn

This little lady is a true delight: a vibrator that looks like a silicone cupcake – complete with cheeky cherry – and feels like the best foreplay toy you could ever hope to own.

At a perfectly reasonable £35 it’s utterly seductive – especially with lashings of lube – and the icing on the cake is a retro baking tin. Well, actually the icing on the cake is the icing on the cake, and then the icing on the cake of the icing on the cake is the tin, metaphorically speaking.

Anyway, if you’re still with me, the Cupcake Vibrator is an appetising addition to the sex toy table, and like most delicious treats is even better to share. Bon appétit!

The Cupcake Vibrator is available from Vibrator Kingdom for £34.99

8)      Pony Play kit: Leather HarnessGlass Butt Plug Pony Tail and Icicles Glass-leather Dildo-flogger from Lovehoney

If Pony Play’s been on your to-do list for some time but you’re not sure where to start, then I’ve put together this tempting taster trio to get you geared up for the horsey highway to heaven.

First up is the Leather Harness: this version’s no-frills and functional so perfect for beginners. However, you’ll need to buy your own presentation box for it as it comes in a plain plastic bag – not very sexy!

Secondly we have the Glass Vibrations Pony Tail Glass Butt Plug. There are several versions of this on the market, including plastic plugs, but this looked the best quality and least synthetic hair for the price, and it certainly felt fantastic when worn: an extremely erotic experience to say the least. A surprisingly lovely item in itself.

Finally we tried the handblown Icicles Glass Cat-O-Nine-Tails Flogger, which not only has sexy suede strings but also doubles up as a rather classy glass dildo: a sensuous toy with a welcome sting in its tail.

Just ensure in advance that your partner’s up to experimenting in this area, and with Lovehoney’s superfast delivery you’ll be saddled up in no time.

9)      Harness and Small Pegging Dildo by BS Is Nice

For prostate stimulation and general anal play, this is our preferred pegging dildo set. The adjustable harness fits like a dream, the pegging dildo is the perfect size – not too big or too small – and if you’re female you can even buy the additional Capsula dildo to insert inside yourself as you pleasure your partner.

Image courtesy of Cara Sutra

Yes, finally it’s your turn to give as good as you get – especially if you purchase one of Vibrator Kingdom’s bespoke storage boxes to go with it. What would you want written on yours?

Leather Harness and Small Pegging Dildo by BS Is Nice are available from Vibrator Kingdom for £54.99 each.

10)  Latex spanking Skirt and Slut Paddle from Lovehoney

Rubber Girl Latex Wear Rubber Spanking Skirt

If you know a woman who likes a good spanking then she’ll love this: a latex skirt with the rear removed for easy arse access.

Have fun glossing the skirt together using Pjur Latex Shine Spray and then pair with Sportsheets’ leather Slut paddle for maximum effect – and schwing!

These brand spanking new items are available from Lovehoney.

11)  SPUNK Lube

A new addition to the bedroom, this ground-breaking lube that looks exactly like spunk comes in three different kinds: Silicone for longer sex sessions or shower play; Hybrid for use with silicone toys; and Pink, just for the fuck of it.

If you or your man have a fetish for bukkake, cream pies or threesome MMF fantasies, then this Spunk Lube is for you. Plus it’s a genuinely great product, and we can’t help thinking that as well as the Spunk Lube trio selection we’d like luscious Spunk Lube CEO Jeff in our stockings for Christmas too please, Santa!

Visit Spunk Lube US (with international deliveries aplenty)

Visit UberKinky

12)  Vinyl Fitted Fetish Sheet from Lovehoney

I’m not going to pretend this is the most glamorous of gifts, but it may just turn out to be one of the most common-sense presents.

Yes, I realise common sense isn’t sexy, but when you learn that a vinyl sheet is ideal if you’re a squirter, into sploshing, water sports, getting oiled up or even just for fucking during a period, this is an unbeatable present as far as practicality is concerned. And that, my friend, is sexy.

Various Vinyl sheets are available from Lovehoney

OK, I lied – there’s one more, and a very lucky number it is too:

13)  Antibacterial Toy Cleaning Spray by Lelo

Essential for any sex toy enthusiast: does what it says on the tin. You need this in your life!

Antibacterial Toy Cleaning Spray is available from Lelo for £6.90